I promise, it won't hurt
by Luniverse
Summary: They're in District 13 and Katniss decides to help Johanna with her water problem. They start to notice their feelings for each other and try to enjoy the little time they have before Katniss goes to the Capitol. Joniss. This is my first Fanfic, so I'm excited and worried at the same time. Might not end as you thought it would. Johanna/Katniss Peeta/Katniss
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, etc. etc.

* * *

><p>Chapter 1<p>

I turn the water on to take a shower when I remember how Johanna seemed to not have taken a shower since she was rescued from the Capitol. We were finally placed in a room and I asked to be roomed with her instead of my family because… Well, because then she would be able to get away from the hospital, after all, another rule here in thirteen is that you can't be roomed alone. Since then we've motivated each other to keep on training. We both want to get our hands on President Snow and see him dead and she accepted the fact that I am the one to kill him. I wrap myself with a towel after I finish cleaning myself up and go into the room right after Johanna closes the door when getting in too.

"Gonna pay back that striptease I gave in the elevator?" She says walking over to her bed.

"No." I answer rather bitterly "It wouldn't be half as good as the one you did." I finish; it will be better for both of us if we get along well and it's the truth. I was infuriated when it happened because, when I saw her there, completely naked, it felt like. I don't know. I was burning inside, so it obviously was anger. And Peeta, laughing at me to pretend he didn't like it. Ugh. I just don't get it. I place the towel on my bed and go to my side of the wardrobe to get dressed pushing away the image of Johanna oiling her naked body in the Training Station. As I get dressed, I feel Johanna's eyes on me. It feels like she's observing every movement I make and suddenly I wonder this must be how a prey feels like when hunted. When I turn around it seemed as if she was scanning my body, but she looks away too quickly for me to be certain.

"Are we training today or you're going to give up because of that broken rib?" she asks playing with the bed sheet's corner.

"No, we have to keep training. I need to go to the Capitol and kill Snow." I answer firmly. "Johanna. Can I ask you something before we go?"

"Sure. Go ahead" she says uncertainly.

"Well. I'm sorry if this bothers you. But I've noticed how you don't shower and you seem to be very against getting in contact with water in general. Why? Is it because of the last Games?" I ask hesitantly. I don't want to anger her with my questioning. Her immediate reaction is to sit up and cross her legs; her face acquires a stiff expression.

"They" she clears her throat, "they used water to torture me with- They… Well, I think you can get an idea. You saw how Peeta ended up after they had their little fun with us."

"It's okay. I get it. I can help you with that." I say as her face softens. My heart eases as I see her expression. All I want is to see the real Johanna back. Unbreakable and fearless; not pretending to be it. I'm sure that if she loses her fear she'll be normal again, almost as if the Capitol had never gotten her.

"Sure you can, girl on fire." She smirks and winks at me, "let's go train and get our permission to kill Snow." She finishes walking out of the room, swaying her hips.

In the training I get permission to go the hospital to get an accelerated healing for my ribs for me to train properly and get in shape for the Capitol. It even helps me to distract myself from Peeta. Not that he matters now. He's not really Peeta anymore. The treatment brings me a lot of pain, but it heals as promised and I get to train more efficiently and help Johanna out with her shaky hands.

When I get out of the shower, Johanna is sitting on the bed taking her shoes off.

"What is this? You really want to pay back that striptease, don't you?" She says jokingly. I chuckle.

"No, no. I told you already, my striptease wouldn't be half as good as yours." I stop remembering my promise to help her. "Why don't you go take a shower Johanna?" her face whitens as I mention the shower.

"Maybe later." She says not looking me in the eyes.

"Johanna," I approach her "I'll help you. I'll be there with you. I promise the water in this shower isn't dangerous." I finish trying to sound cheerful with the joke.

"I don't know, Katniss." I put my towel down and stretch out a hand waiting for her to hold it so I can take her to the shower. She forcefully tries not to look at me, but her eyes hesitantly observe my naked body. She seems to be numb as her mouth softens; but when she holds my hand, her grip is firm. "That was good enough for a striptease" she finally says and lets me lead her to the bathroom.

In the bathroom, I take my time to strip her. I help her out of her shirt and enjoy the view of her slim but solid body as my insides bubble with fire. She turns around for me to help her with her bra. What is happening to me? I open it and, as its straps fall down her arms, I surround her waist with my arms leaving our faces side to side. I feel as if I was watching this happen, for the feeling of controlling my own actions is completely gone. I rub my lips on her face, neck and shoulder, caressing her as my heart races a bit. I play with the zipper until I open her pants and slide my hand down. Her stomach shrinks as she grabs my forearm in an attempt of preventing me to do whatever she thinks I'm about to do and stopping me from not doing it. I pull her pants and underwear down, slowly, feeling her pulsing heat. I take her in and, placing her behind me to protect her from the water, I turn the water on.

"Now, trust me. I'll go first, then you come in with me, alright?" she nods firmly. I adjust the temperature of the water and enjoy it to give Johanna time to prepare before I start pulling her in with me. I hold her hand and walk back until my back reaches the wall. Preparing myself to how she's going to react, I lock my eyes with hers and say, "I promise you, it won't hurt." I keep on gently leading her in. She pulls away when her hands reach the water, but I squeeze her hand in an attempt to comfort her. She shakes horribly as I lead her in and I can hear her suppressed screams that turn into painful groans. When she's fully under the shower her whole body trembles with fear and her grip starts to hurt my hand. Trying not to startle her, I get closer and hug her by her waist. Johanna does the same to me and puts her head on my shoulder making me shiver with her soft but haste breath on my neck. I feel the pressure between her breasts and mine demising as her heart acquires a stable rate and her body shakes are more controlled. We stay in that same position for a while as I wonder what is going through Johanna's mind and why in heavens and hell I actually feel like the girl on fire. "Are we done?" I ask after a few minutes.

"Yes" she whispers softly as if she was afraid to break the silence—something I never expected Johanna to worry about. I give her soap for her to wash her body while I wash her hair. She takes her time cleaning her body, so I massage her head while she does it. She goes under water again, this time with more control than before; yet I find myself embracing her again, almost as if I couldn't help it. The water turns of by itself; it probably was someone who keeps the water usage under control here in thirteen. We'll probably get some kind of punishment for it, but really, what can they do to Johanna Mason or the Mockingjay? We stay there for a while. Johanna's head on my shoulder, my arms around her waist, hers around mine with her hands unconsciously on my bum.

Johanna abruptly stands straight and clears her throat. She seems to be flustered and avoids eye contact. Suddenly, cold and emptiness invade my body as if the winds of winter were blowing on me and all I want is to bring Johanna back into my arms to feel warm again, to feel whole. What am I saying? I shake my head in a useless attempt of waving the desire of having her with me away. I go to the room and take the towel. I start running it through my body, drying it slowly, when I feel a heat growing from my back and spreading to my chest and legs. I turn around and find Johanna leaning on the door, still wet, and watching attentively with that smirk in her lips. I feel my body burning as my cheeks blush. I walk to the bathroom, but Johanna closes the space between us. Our noses almost touching and her smell invades my body making it hard for me to think. I clear my throat in an attempt of bringing my mind back and squeeze my way into the bathroom. Johanna follows me after she closes the door behind her. I leave my towel and take hers.

"Apparently, I'll have to do this too." I say trying not to sound pleased by the thought of it.

"Apparently, you have no problem with that," she comes to me swaying her hips, pacing like cat "after all, you offered yourself, brainless." she finishes with a wink. I roll my eyes and start to run it on her body; her face, her hair, her arms, her breasts, her waist, her back, her legs, her feet. Running up, running down, in a repeated and leisurely caress that I wish will never end. Her body is much more delicate than I expected the ax throwing killer to be. She places her foot on my knee so it's easier for me to dry her leg. And I see myself running her legs with my lips instead of the towel, and reaching her heat, and hearing her moan and my body is on fire, and I shake my head and finish what is really happening. No more fantasies. Since when do those thoughts come to my mind? Never with Peeta, or Gale, or Finnick. Nobody. But Johanna. She is… Ugh. I'm going crazy. "If you keep going on with that you'll leave me with a rash on my legs and I don't want that" she says moving her leg away and walking out of the bathroom. I stay there, feeling empty again. What have I done? I stand up and hurry to my room. "It's dinner time" she says while dressing. I nod and go dress myself.

During dinner Johanna amuses herself with Peeta struggling with reality. I watch her laugh and pretend to be sorry that what she says is disturbing. I eat all the food I can; Gale even gives me some of his, but it doesn't matter how much food I get, I'll still be hungry. She's the only one who can satisfy my hunger. The images flash in my mind again. The water running down her trembling body, my hands around her waist, her breath on my neck making me shiver, my hands feeling her body through the towel, and her smell; not that smell she had while she didn't wash her body, but Johanna's smell in all her purity, invading all my senses and driving my mind far from reality by simply standing close to me. I stand up abruptly not being able to take this anymore and go to back to our room for reflection time. Maybe if I had more time with her in hospital without Gale interrupting I would be able to understand what is going on in my mind. Why was there an slight discomfort bubbling in my stomach when I found her in my bed every time I woke up and suddenly I would feel lonely when she left the bed, even with Gale there. Ugh. I roll in my bed in a useless attempt to sleep. This night is sleepless. My body aches with the memory of her body attached to mine and freezes when I hear for the first time what seems to be Johanna crying in the night. Whispering softly, "Why? Not this again. Not again." My heart shakes and I feel the impulse of running to her bed and comforting her, but what if I'm unwanted? What if I just set her to cry even more? I can't risk the connection we're building.

* * *

><p>AN: This is my first fic, so please be gentle and enjoy ;-)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I end passing out a few hours before I need to wake up and for those hours it felt like a blink filled with images of Johanna. I wake up lazily trying to understand: why is she overpowering all my thoughts? I turn around to find her bed empty. Why did she leave so early? Why didn't she let me know she was leaving? Why didn't she wait for me? Because she's Johanna Mason and there is nothing attaching her to you or the other way around. I need to get my mind back into its right place. I need to stop wondering about things that make no sense. What is going on with me? Aff. If only Johanna— Breakfast time; I got to go. Have to focus my aim: killing Snow. That's all that matters now. Kill Snow and keep Prim safe.

I go have breakfast. I start eating slowly when I notice Johanna isn't around. I wait, but after several minutes of eating slowly to the point of boredom, I can't wait anymore. I finish my breakfast and go to our room to get ready for training. When I walk in I find her sitting on her bed examining some boxes.

"Johanna!" I exclaim louder than I should and sounding more excited to see her than I wished to be. She looks up startled and clearly surprised with the tone in my voice.

"Katniss!" She exclaims mocking my tone. I roll my eyes and walk to her.

"What is this?" I ask her.

"They are called CD's and this is a CD player" she tells me indicating each one respectively. I sit down timidly on her bed in a position that the CD's would be between us. I was already tense; better have some kind of barrier between us. "I found them inside a wardrobe earlier. They were in a box saying 'CD's with hyper-capacity. Songs from the 2000's.' Which refers to the years from 2000 to 2999; I have no idea of what year we are on according to this counting, but who cares, really? Looks like the music could be good. Wanna listen to them?"

"Sure, why not. You know how to makes this work?"

"I didn't. But I read the manual, brainless." She says picking a white CD with wasted writing on it saying 'Songs by P!nk' and putting it in the CD player. She presses a button and the CD player starts doing a motor sound as it clearly turns on. Johanna presses another button and a song starts playing. "Apparently this one is called 'Try'."

Ever wonder about what he's doing

How it all turned to lies

Sometimes I think that it's better to never ask why

Where there is desire

There is gonna be a flame

Where there is a flame

Someone's bound to get burned

But just because it burns

Doesn't mean you're gonna die

You've gotta get up and try try try

Gotta get up and try try try

You gotta get up and try try try

The song keeps on with the girl's aching voice as I remember how my body is aflame every moment Johanna is around. The closer she is to me (and the less clothes she's wearing) make me feel a flame burning from my insides. Maybe that's what this song means. It just shows how there's always being a flame in me that was sparked by Johanna, just like I sparked the rebellion. And that we will help each other to get up and try and try and try as we are doing right now; she's helping me get to the Capitol, I'm helping her to overcome her fear of water. When the song finishes Johanna turns off the CD player and gets up leisurely.

"Nice song, but we gotta go training now." She says thoughtfully looking at me, her eyes dense with emotion. I wonder what she was thinking about, what did the song brought to her mind. Did the song brought me to her mind as it brought Johanna to mine? "We got to go train if you want to go to the Capitol, brainless" she says stumping out of the room. I get up thoughtfully and race to catch up with Johanna.

Today the training is hard and we end exhausted for lunch. The daily routine is quite similar to the previews days. Training all day, some occasional Mockingjay meetings, lunch with the prep team, Peeta, Johanna, Finnick and Annie, and Gale and his siblings, maybe train again, shower, dinner, room, try to sleep while listening to Johanna sob or mumble in her sleep. The new thing now is that I spend reflection time listening to the songs Johanna found, which is actually interesting and better than feeling my body heat up with the memory of Johanna or anger because the Capitol stole Peeta away from me. I sit on Johanna's bed as I listen to the last song of the P!nk CD, which seems perfect for Johanna and I. I mean, we're both broken in a way. I know there's something else. I know this isn't the only reason why this song is good for us, but I still need to figure it out. Ugh. I wish it was simpler to understand. It can't be. Johanna is a girl, and if she doesn't hate me anymore I am sure we aren't even friends in her eyes. I listen to other songs. There's Adele, Os Tribalistas, Belen, Amy Winehouse, Jesse & Joy, Julieta Venegas, Beyonce, Disney songs, Calle 13 and many others; some are in some sort of different language I can't understand. Johanna comes in stopping abruptly when she sees me.

"What are you doing in my bed?" She asks me possessively. I shrug my shoulders.

"Just listening to some music." I answer, trying not to care about her tone. She stretches as if she was about to run a marathon and looks at me with certainty.

"It's shower time." She says with a slight hint of fear and regret that she's announcing it. Yet, she is definitely determined to keep on with this. I smile at her as I stand up and let her lead me to the shower. We strip rather quickly both stealing looks from each other as we do so and then pretend we never looked. When we are done with it I let her get in first and then go after her.

"Want to try going first?" I ask her as the water temperature gets adjusted. She stares at me. I look into her eyes and see her struggle, wanting to be strong but not able to. "It's ok Jo," I taste the nickname hoping she won't mind, "I'll go first until you're ready. No need to push yourself." She smiles at me gratefully, but it quickly transforms into a smirk.

"Who said I don't feel ready?" She says, almost sounding like the real Johanna. "I just want to take my time watching you shower." She finishes with a wink. I laugh out loud as I get under the water and start showering. I feel her eyes scanning me at all times, and when I open mine and take a look at her, her gaze is intense and her eyes are full of something I never saw before mixed with that look Peeta would get when he looked at me every time he thought I couldn't see him. Johanna surely doesn't feel ready, but she definitely wasn't lying about watching me shower. I pull her to the shower, it's very similar to the first time we showered together just that she's not trembling as much as before and she doesn't scream or groan in pain anymore. I take the soap and hand it to her but she shakes her head with a naughty smile. "Nu uh girl on fire, I feel like washing my hair this time, since you always do that part." She says daring me, "I'll take care of my hair and you take care of the rest" I feel my face burning as my heart races in anticipation. I— I've been literary dreaming of this for the past week, but there's still that boiling anxiousness in the thought of touching her, just like when I woke up in the hospital and would find her in my bed.

"Sure. Whatever you say." I manage, trying to sound as care free as possible and holding the soap firmly in my hand. I wet the soap and start to rub it on her. I start with her arms taking my time to feel her soft skin under my hands. I wonder how she managed that after so much torturing to her body, maybe it's the long years of living with the Capitol taking care of her image. I rub my hand on the soap to then wash her face. I start grabbing her face all over and squeezing it. At first Johanna tries to back away, but she quickly starts giggling and trying to get rid of me. But that doesn't work, so she starts tickling me and I do the same. She bursts out laughing; I never heard her laugh like this before, but this laugh is free and light, like a child's laugh. It reaches my heart and widens my smile. We tickle each other until I end up losing balance and pressing her against the wall with my body. Our faces are almost touching and I can feel her breath on my mouth; I lean in slightly, her eyes locked in mine and I can feel the same intensity from before invading me, making my mind cloudy, giving life to the most unreachable thoughts. Johanna leans in and I can feel her lips almost touching mine when she smiles.

"We better finish this. Don't want to get another lecture for wasting water." She says, slowly moving away from lme. I nod, breathless, and go to her. I start to get nervous again as my hands wander her back, her breasts, down her toned stomach to her legs and butt. I stop awkwardly noticing there was only one part left. "Don't worry, brainless. I'll take care of that." She takes the soap from my hand and finishes my job. While she finishes I step back to have a better look at her body. If at least I weren't too focused on her arrogance before, I would have noticed how beautiful she really is. I sigh as I notice what I just thought. I wish it wasn't true. I wish I could simply deny it. But it's about time I stop denying to myself that can actually have feelings for other people other than Prim and that those feelings might be stronger than I want them to be.

We get out, and after I dry my body I go to my room. It's weird not having Johanna teasing me or provoking me while we do it. I walk to the room swaying my hips, waiting for it to happen, expecting her to do something, but Johanna stays silent and I can't do much more. I get to the room and play P!nk's CD on shuffle because it's Johanna's favorite and "True Love" starts playing. I pick up the uniform, I put on my underwear and when I'm pulling up my pants I feel Johanna's hands on my back. She holds me for a second as I stay unmoved, and then she slowly slides her hands around my waist and wraps me with her arms. She stays there, hugging me and lays her head on my shoulder when I hold her arms, caressing her. I feel her body pressing against mine through the rough texture of her uniform. My heart races with the feeling of Johanna's body against mine, attached to me with no apparent intention of ever letting me go. I turn around making sure she won't let go and hold her face with one hand as I place the other one behind her neck. I pull her closer and timidly place my lips on hers, holding my breath, afraid of what might happen. This annoys me because I've done it before. I've kissed Gale and Peeta several times; why am I so nervous now? Johanna presses her lips against mine firmly, expelling any inner conflict I was having. I feel her hands trembling on my back, she sucks my lower lip with hers, sending an eruption of emotion and heat from my stomach to all over my mind and body can reach and pushes me away. She runs out of the room, slamming the door behind her; nonetheless, I caught a smile in her lips when she turned around.

I can't help but smile. I hope no one will notice, but in dinner it is clear my plan fails. I sit down after I get my food and start eating when my eyes meet Finnick's; he looks at me knowingly and winks. Of course Johanna told him, after all they are clearly best friends, just like Gale and I, but I definitely won't tell Gale about this. I look down at my food as I try not to blush and to hide my grin. I feel Gale's gaze on me and ignore it until he speaks to me.

"Catnip, what happened? Why are smiling so much?" He asks me smiling, hoping for something good, but I just shake my head.

"Nothing, just that I've had a reasonably good day. Nothing s…" I'm answering him when Johanna comes and sits next to Finnick. Our eyes lock and she grins at me. I turn around before I blush and find Gale's confused eyes.

"I know what gave Katniss that smile." Peeta says startling us. "She's fucking Johanna." Yes, the Capitol truly stole Peeta away from me. Johanna bursts out laughing. Finnick tries not to laugh. Gale starts with a 'what are you talking about', but his question is suppressed by my shout. Yet Peeta looks very sure of his words.

"WHAT?" Shout and before I notice it, I'm running away to my room. It can't be. I lost him. I truly did. And I barely touched Johanna! How can he say something like that?! He has no right to. I never— ugh. One thing he's not wrong at, I would do it if I had the opportunity to. That's what my dreams tell me at night. There you go Katniss! The girl on fire just said it! Finally, you admitted it. You love her. NO. I— I like her. I really, really like her. But that's all. That's all for now.

I undress myself and lay on my bed to sleep. I stay there for a while when Johanna comes in laughing.

"I know he was a sweetie before, but Peeta is hilarious now that the Capitol had some work done on him. Especially the interaction you two have!" and she laughs again and I can't help but chuckle, even if it upsets me a bit. She undresses and falls asleep quickly. I stay there for a while. For the first time the night is silent. I let my mind go and my body relax as the feeling of Johanna's lips on mine start tingling and burning. "NO!" Johanna wakes up screaming and making me jump to my feet instantly. She looks around desperately looking for something and when she sees me her expression softens and she gives me a weak smile. I walk to her and sit on the edge of the bed; without a word she hugs me and cries softly on my neck. When she calms down again she pulls me closer in a way that my only option is to lay down with her. She caresses my neck, slowly running her fingers up my chin, to my lips and my cheeks; there she holds my face and kisses me softly. My heart starts pounding against my chest as I kiss her back and for a moment I forget everything. I forget the training. I forget the permission to go to the Capitol. I forget the Capitol. I forget Snow. I forget Prim. All I know is that I'm here and Johanna is in my arms and she's kissing me. Not a lusty kiss. I kiss with love, and I'm kissing her back with all the love I have for her. And our kiss tastes like home and turn saltier as her tears fall down her face to invade our lips. We break apart and Johanna gives me a quick short kiss on my lower lip. "You don't leave, unless I tell you to. Do you understand?" she tells me with a commanding but pleading tone. I simply nod and hold her tighter and for the first time we both sleep the whole night with no dreams to wake us up.

* * *

><p>AN: Hey guys! Sorry for taking such a long time to update, but the IB is consuming my time. Thanks for the reviews. If you guys have too much trouble with the dialogue please tell me and I'll change the format. I'm doing it this way because it's my first fanfic and I want to experiment a bit. I'll update as soon as I can.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

After that night things started getting better between us. Every time we could, we would hide some place and steal kisses and when there were people around we would look at each other like little kids do when they're plotting something they know they're not supposed to do. Except, of course, if Finnick was the only one around; he's very discreet about it and wouldn't insinuate anything when there were people around like Gale or Peeta. Nonetheless, Johanna stills mumbles in her sleep and sometimes I understand what she says and it's always the same pleading, "Not again. No. It can't happen this time too. No. Not again," or "I love her. I do. Don't make me lose her too." Some nights more than others, but her sleep is clearly agitated, even when I stay with her.

Now, reflection time consists of cuddling Johanna and listening to the CD's, which actually means listening to Johanna sing Disney songs (which surprises me because I thought P!nk was her favorite) until I can't take it anymore and force Johanna to put another CD. We cuddle, kiss until we're too tired and go to sleep. And that's when it occurs to me that it's about time to show her that song.

"No, no, no. I'll choose the song now." I say as I straddle her waist trying to take the CD's from her. She's almost getting away when I hold her face and press my lips firmly against hers. She softens a bit, kissing me back and for a moment I almost forget that I'm doing this to get the CD's. She opens her mouth and as soon as I invade her mouth with my tongue she sucks it and gets away.

"You really think I'd fall for that?" She asks me and I pout.

"Please?" I say with pleading eyes. Johanna rolls her eyes but chuckles.

"Whatever the girl on fire wants." she finally says giving me the CD's. I grin like a child and give her a quick kiss. I pick P!nk's CD making sure she won't see it. "Which one did you choose?" she says trying to get a sneak pick of the CD.

"No cheating! It's a surprise!" I say giggling. I place the CD in the CD player and forward it to the song I want it to play. "Listen to it carefully. It's very meaningful for me; for us." And the song starts.

Right from the start  
>You were a thief you stole my heart<br>And I your willing victim  
>I let you see the parts of me<br>That weren't all that pretty  
>And with every touch you fixed them<br>Now you've been talking in your sleep  
>Things you never say to me<br>Tell me that you've had enough  
>Of our love, our love<p>

Johanna lies on the bed next to me.

Just give me a reason  
>Just a little bit's enough<br>Just a second we're not broken just bent  
>And we can learn to love again<br>It's in the stars  
>It's been written in the scars on our hearts<br>We're not broken just bent  
>And we can learn to love again<p>

She pulls me closer and I lay my head on her shoulder.

I'm sorry I don't understand where all of this is coming from  
>I thought that we were fine<br>Oh we had everything  
>Your head is running wild again<br>My dear we still have everything  
>And it's all in your mind<br>Yeah but this is happening  
>You've been having real bad dreams<br>Oh oh  
>You used to lie so close to me<br>Oh oh  
>There's nothing more than empty sheets<br>Between our love, our love, oh our love, our love

Just give me a reason  
>Just a little bit's enough<br>Just a second we're not broken just bent  
>And we can learn to love again<br>It's in the stars  
>It's been written in the scars on our hearts<br>We're not broken just bent  
>And we can learn to love again<p>

(song keeps on playing)…..

Johanna clears her throat and holds me tighter. I put my leg over her waist to bring her closer to me, if that's possible."So… I'm kinda broken. You were about to be broken but then they gave mutt Peeta back. You still think we can learn to love again?" she says. I nod kissing her chin. She turns around so I would be under her, still straddling her waist.

She kisses me softly at first to then deepen it. I feel a wave of emotions invading me, my heart races and soon I'm completely breathless; my body temperature is surely above the normal. She takes her shirt and bra off purposely slowly for me to enjoy the view and before I notice it I am completely shirtless as well and my pants are nowhere to be seen. I'm suddenly aware of what is about to happen and I want to run and hide. What if this is not right? What if…? I don't even know what to expect, what to fear. Johanna kisses me turning all my thoughts into a series of 'OH, I NEVER KNEW MY BODY COULD FEEL ALL OF THIS' and moaning and hoping Johanna will never stop.

My guts burn and bubble and I feel an intensity building up my body, it overwhelms me and I am almost scared of how many things Johanna makes me feel. She starts tracing her way down my neck with her mouth to bite my collarbone. I try to keep it in, but a moan escapes my lips making her grin. Johanna restarts tracing my body but now with her tongue; when she reaches the space between my breasts she bites me harder making me arch my back and scream in a confusion of pain and pleasure to then turn her attention to my breasts. She kisses, licks, suckles and bites one of them while massaging the other. I grab her hair in a desperate attempt of not moaning as loud as I am, but that only motivates her to go to my other breast and do the kissing, licking, suckling and biting more intense. I cross my legs around her waist in an attempt of controlling my body. Yet, when she suckles my nipple with a special pressure I buck my hips against her moaning loudly and not caring at all if the walls are thin enough for us to be heard or if I have any control over my body, whatsoever.

"Oh, heavens-Johanna" I try to tell her how good that was but I can manage no more words as she gets back to kissing my body all the way down to my burning venter and gets rid of my underwear with a unexpected fluidity.

"Looks like someone is soaked" Johanna's voice is thick with lust and she starts kissing my inner legs, biting me just next to my groin. My body tenses with anticipation until I can take no more.

"Johanna!" She looks at me pleased and rather surprised. "Please." I manage a pleading.

"Alright. But you'll still have to wait a bit more before I send you to heaven. After all this is your first time, brainless." She says with a grin and buries her face between my legs. I couldn't care less. I just want her. I just want fucking (in all the meanings of the word) Johanna Mason. There's nobody else left for me or for her. Oh, since when do I think like that?

At first it's a weird feeling but in less than half a second I'm bucking my hips, pressing my body against her and tangling my finger in her hair as she kisses me. She bites me and I feel the tip of her tongue introducing herself in me. My back arches and I gasp in anticipation of what is about to come. Johanna slides her tongues in and out with cautious care releasing a bit of the tension I had before. In and out she goes.

"Ah!" I moan and scream when she sucks my entrance sending electric shocks all over my body. I'm sitting up, about to tell her how great that was and to insinuate it was her turn when she thrusts two fingers inside me.

"OH" I drop back noticing that what I felt, no matter how good it was, wasn't even close to where Johanna plans to send me to. She starts running her fingers up and down and I automatically rock my hips in the racing rhythm she sets. It's way too synchronized for a first time and it feels like we've loved each other since forever. She comes up to me and kisses me deeply, taking away the little air I had without losing the rhythm of her fingers. She quickly kisses her way down and starts kissing my clit; playing with it with her tongue, pressing it between her lips and sucking it. My whole body is boiling - feverish.

"Johanna, I" And I feel like a bow string when it's tensed and about to snap. Johanna is the archer and I am the bow and she's pulling my string with too much tension. "Joha ugh" Johanna accelerates the pace and gives one last firm thrust while sucking my clit "JOHANNA" And the string snaps. My back arches resembling a tensed bow about to release. I try to catch my breath as the boiling sensation slips out between my legs, sending jolts of electricity all over my body while Johanna moves her fingers inside me, slowing the pace. She drinks everything that comes out from me and licks me until I'm cleaned. Why the hell is she doing that? Is she just enjoying it or trying to turn me crazily on again? She comes back up, sliding one of her legs over me and I can slightly feel wetness between her legs.

"My instincts tell me you liked this, but I can't be sure. Would you please be so kind and enlighten me?" she says, her lips in a typical Johanna smirk, her eyes narrowed like a cat does when asking for something and her voice is a deep purr that just makes my stomach bubble all over again. I am still catching my breath when I turn to her with a wide smile lightening up my face.

"Yes, indeed." I say kissing her. "I loved it. Loved it. Loved it." I kiss her and kiss her and kiss her, and pin her on the bed. She giggles making my heart light, almost as if I had never been in the games. She scans my body and narrows her eyes.

"That makes me want to do it again." She says purring and tickles me trying to get me off her. I laugh out loud and pin her again, like she pinned me on the games. I lower my face until our lips are almost touching.

"Does this remind you of anything?" I ask her. Her eyes widen and I see a trace of pain. I scold myself for bringing her those memories. What was I thinking of? Of course it would be great to remind ourselves of the hunger games that made her be tortured while we make love. I'm a genius!

"Yes, and I hope you're not trying to take revenge on me for saving your life, brainless" she says recovering her sass.

"Oh! I plan on taking revenge." I kiss her softly "but in a different way," another soft kiss. "Let's see how fast I learn to do something I've never done before." I finish deepening the kiss and sliding my body down for a more comfortable position for the situation.

"Oh, sweetheart, I hope you learned 'cause I went easy on you." She sighs as I start sucking her neck. I let go when her moaning turns into a, 'OK Katniss, I'm starting to suspect you're trying to drink my blood.' I kiss her and bite her slowly, tasting her salty skin. I reach her breasts and start suckling. My mind is clouded with pleasure and once again, all thanks to Johanna, I don't seem to be the ruler of my own actions. Johanna caresses my back and nape, clawing my skin every now and then when I bite or suck a place in the right way. This way I trace my way down her body, making sure I don't miss a single space of her skin, after all, I don't know when I'll get to taste her again. She's too unpredictable. She's too much like me. I play with her bellybutton making a chuckle mixed with moaning slip out of her lips. I accommodate myself putting her legs over my shoulder and breathe deeply. What if I don't do it right? What if she doesn't like it? What if…

"Don't worry babe." she says with her breath already hasty "I don't care about that. I just want you. I need you. We can take care of that later." she comforts me, giving me courage as if she could read my mind. She wants me. She needs me. These thoughts fuel my body and eagerness to taste every flavor she can offer me. I bury my head between her legs kissing her. Instead of being gentle like she was to me and slowly introducing herself in me, I thrust my tongue in her with a hunger that was unknown to me. There is no pattern or thought to it as Johanna seemed to have. I do what my body tells me to. "OH!" Johanna moans loudly when I scratch my teeth in her clit. "God! Katniss" she groans tangling her finger in my hair, bucking her hips. My center heats up as my body boils with satisfaction. Looks like I'm doing the right thing. With this in mind I bury two fingers inside her and start rocking them inside her. "mmm, Kat, this is so good" she says with a gasp and rolls her hips to match the rhythm of my fingers. I introduce a third finger in her and start racing my pace when I notice her gasping and arching her back when I do so. Clearly needing to catch her breath Johanna manages a "Harder, use- other hand- too." I take her advice and start rubbing her clit with my free hand, kissing her and moving my fingers as she requested. I get loud, hasty moans and groans mixed with my name as a response and assume I got this right too. I give one last hard thrust with my fingers, put more pressure on her clit with my other fingers and bite her, trying to create a combination of all. "AH!" Johanna arches her back, pulling my hair hard and gasping loudly.  
>After a few softer strokes of my fingers, she caresses me as if saying 'sorry for pulling your hair too hard' as I do the same she did to me and drink every drop of the liquids that slip out of her. The taste is different to anything I've ever tasted. It's strangely sweet but still salty, confusing my palate and attracting it at the same time. This must be what Johanna would probably taste if she was a food dish; salty, almost bitter, but helplessly sweet and good.<p>

I crawl my way back up and cuddle her, snuggling my face on her neck. We stay quiet for a while as she catches her breath; my hand is on her chest feeling her heart beat slow down. She turns to me and kisses me tenderly, melting my heart. I look up at her to find a Johanna I never saw before. She's smiling at me, her smile shines and lights up her face; for a moment I could mistake her with the moon or even the sun. She kisses me lovingly and for a longer time, and when she breaks the kiss I find her smirk familiarly in her lips.

"You do learn quickly, brainless" she hums against my lips and we kiss again. "But all those crazy things kinda distracted me, so I think" she starts sliding two finger back inside me. My eyes open wide because I wasn't expecting this, I claw my fingers in her arms and muffle a moan on her neck. "You'll have to come for me again." she finishes as I lose myself all over again. Johanna proves she was going easy on me last time as she sends me way over the edge in only a few moments of striking pleasures, which fill the room with loud moans, guttural groans, my fingers clawing her, marking her skin and that smell unique to Johanna.

Johanna smiles at me and kisses me softly, humming. "Hmm. I'm satisfied." she kisses me again and rests on a pillow. I rest my head on her shoulder as the waves of electricity slowly leave my body.

"Wow! That was- I don't even know how to describe it." I try to tell her. How can I make her understand that it is my heart jolting with joy and wondering when we will do this again, when I will taste her again, and not simply my body earning to play this new game?

"Yes. I know. That's just how good I am at the stuff I enjoy doing." she says smirking down at me with a soft purr in her voice. "Just like shoving an axe." we chuckle at her comment. She's definitely good at both of them and she certainly enjoys making me scream and moan almost as much as she likes wielding an axe, or is it the other way around? I kiss her chin giggling. "Now, let's go to sleep all this working out left me exhausted." she says kissing me and drifting to her sleep.

I don't know if her night is calm or if her dreams are quiet because I quickly drift off and can't keep myself awake to make sure she sleeps well. I don't know what I dreamt, but I'm sure Johanna was with me because her smell permeated my surroundings, my body, my eyes, my heart. She was everywhere. She was everything.

* * *

><p>A.N.- HEY GUYS! Sorry for the delay REAL life gets in the way. (IB program, school, etc...) But here it is! I hope you guys like this. It's different from abything I've written before. Enjoy and please review. I love reviews and you guys are lovely :-)<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I wake up feeling my muscles aching from all the stretching and tensing. I had no idea my body would be so sore after last night. At least now I know why Johanna called it workout. Gladly, after a few nights of loving, tensing, moaning and going over the edge, my body gets more used to it and we even seem to be more fit and disposed for training.

A few days after that night, I'm able to start not caring about Peeta's rude comments; but he also seems to become more and more polite with every time we meet. Apparently, the walls actually are thin, but not thin enough for everyone to notice from what specific room the groaning comes from. Finnick knows, sometimes I wonder how much he knows. I trust him and like him, but I wouldn't like Johanna to tell him specifics of our relationship-too embarrassing. I gulp my food as soon as I sit down expecting to accelerate time with my speed. The day has been too long and I want it to be reflection time already.

"You want to go hunting later?" Gale's voice breaks my focus on speeding time. Hunting? Pff. I know how important it is for him to go hunting with me because it means that there's still a 'us'; but I didn't need that anymore. I had more…. important things to do.

"Uhm. No, thanks. I want to train more and then I'll be too tired." I answer him evasively.

"Too tired, eh?" Johanna says suggestively smirking. I grin at her.

"Shut up, Johanna. Anyway, I can't go Gale." I turn my attention to Gale before I give enough clues that prove Peeta's suggestion.

"Why not?" He asks a little agitated, which bothers me. Why does he need to push things so much?

"I already told you. Weren't you listening or you've gone deaf?" I answer back, feeling anger building up. I stand up, not being able to take anymore of Gale's insistence. "Let's go Jo. We have some training to do." Johanna smirks and stands up. Our eyes lock together and Gale seems to notice the complicity as he stands abruptly.

"Catnip. What's going on?" He asks me, looking from Johanna to me. His eyes are begging for an answer and he surely said the nickname in an attempt to bring me back to him. But I'm long gone. I slipped away from him, just like the boy with the bread slipped away from me.

"I'm not sure if you're choosing not listen or if you're actually deaf." I say annoyed. I spin on my heels and leave with Johanna by my side as I listen to Gale's heavy steps trying to catch up with us.

We are in the halls that lead to the rooms when Gale pulls me by the arm, making me stop abruptly and have to support myself on his chest so I don't fall. At the moment I touch him, I can feel Johanna's temper fuming. I push myself away from him but he holds my wrist firmly, not letting me go.

"What's going on? What are you hiding from me Cat?" He asks me. I can hear the pleading tone in his voice. What is this? I never heard Gale begging for anything.

I open my mouth to answer him, but before we are able to react or I can utter any sound a blur yanks Gale away from me. Johanna throws Gale against the wall and then pins him on the floor. Gale tries to get away from her, but Johanna locks him in a way she could easily break his neck. Both of us are startled by Johanna's speed and strength. Gale is clearly undecided of whether he should try to ease Johanna's grip or do nothing because he has never being so surprised in his life. We all knew she's strong, but we never thought she could easily overpower a man of Gale's size. This is definitely what Haymitch was referring to when he said she was a skilled assassin. And I reproach myself when I notice I'm suddenly turned-on by Johanna's protectiveness and ability.

"Are you ok? Did he hurt you?" she asks me, her eyes dripping with preoccupation.

"No," I say rubbing my wrist "it's fine, Jo."

"I promise you, Gale: You'll never be able to use a bow or set one of your snares if you hurt this girl, understood?" Johanna whispers threateningly on his ear. He nods nervously, not daring to breath.

"Let him go, Jo. Everything is okay. I'll talk to him." I tell her. Gale is the only living person I can say has been my friend since ever. I need to give him a chance, and that would give me a chance to tell him that nothing will happen between us.

"Okay. You better be careful with how you treat her, handsome." Johanna whispers a final threat in Gales ear and lets him go. "I'll wait for you at the training station" Johanna says as she walks away swaying her hips provocatively. Gale gets up trying to pretend he was never almost killed by a girl half his size.

"Is it true?" Gale asks worryingly. "What Peeta said the other day, is it true?"

"Why do you care to know?" I ask trying not be surly.

"'Cause I- You're my best friend Catnip. I care about you." He says, his voice tainted with emotion.

"You care? Then leave me be. It's not like Johanna will kill me. We are friend Gale and I care about her. We share rooms. We comfort each other through our worst nightmares." I start to get exalted. I don't want to tell him. Finnick is the only one who knows. "If you're worrying about what she might do to me, I can assure you she will never hurt me."

"That isn't all. Catnip, I- the other night I wanted to see if what Peeta said was true and went to your room. The door was locked but I- I heard something." Gale blushes. It's the first time I ever see him like this. So unsure and embarrassed; I try not to blush because I know very well what he heard. "Johanna was with someone in your room and they were- Well, they were having… a lot fun. But I couldn't find you anywhere, and everything suggested that you should be in the room too, so I wondered if"

"WHAT? NO!" I blurt the words before I can even think about what to say. "And I don't think it's your business what I do in my room or with whom!" Gale's eyes are wide. For the first time I leave him speechless.

"But Katniss—" He tries to talk.

"But nothing Gale!" I interrupt him again, pushing him away. "Why do you care? Because you love me? Lies! You only cared enough to tell me when you saw you could lose me." Now I'm shouting at him. "You have no right to do this to me. None. We are friends Gale. Don't ruin us because of a bit of jealousy." I finish and run to my room with no more motivation to train

I find Johanna in there, laying on her bed, clearly waiting for me. She sits up when I get in.

"I knew you wouldn't train after talking to Gale." She tells me. I try to smile at her and stand still, not been able to move. "What happened Kat?" her body stiffens when she notices I'm unwell.

"I—" my voice catches in my throat and I start to cry. Johanna runs to me and I hang on to her in her embrace.

"Shhh. What's wrong sweetheart? Did he hurt you?" I shake my head and try to talk through my sobbing.

"I. I. We had a fight. I was- I couldn't- I didn't tell him." I manage.

"Oh, Katniss." She whispers softly and understandingly in my ear. "It's alright. Everything will be alright." She starts kissing me all over my face, drying it with her lips, but more and more to salty tears fall down my eyes. "I know it's hard. It was hard for me too. And when I finally had the courage to be fully honest with everyone, the opportunity was snatched away from me." My heart starts to calm down as Johanna carries me to the bed and holds me tight to her, comforting me. "Don't you worry child. You'll get over this. And you know what's the best of it? I'll be right there with you and we can go through it together. I'll support you as I can and do whatever I think is best, ok? I won't let you go through the same thing I went through." My heart is slowing down as I stop to cry and notice this is my opportunity to ask Johanna those questions that creep up on me every time I hear her talking in her sleep. Now you've been talking in your sleep. Oh, oh. Things you never say to me. Oh, oh. I let time pass by as I recover my voice.

"Johanna" I try it with her name first, to make sure my voice is working properly.

"Found your voice, brainless?" She asks, trying to cheer me up with the nick name. I jokingly punch her on the arm.

"I want to ask you something." she hums nodding. I build up the courage to start the topic. "When you sleep, you talk a lot. About someone you loved and you don't want it to happen again. And why does it do these things to you and you say things you never really told me and" Johanna clears her throat and I stop talking, afraid that I touched a topic I shouldn't have.

"I talk in my sleep and say all that stuff because… Well, love is weird." She starts. "Before my games there was this girl. We were best friends, and it took me almost four years for me to notice that I loved her. Can you believe that? How stupid can you be to don't notice you're in love for four years? It took me a while to build up the courage to show her that my love and dedication went beyond mere friendship. I know, how can Johanna Mason be shy and unsure about anything she does? But that was me at the time; so fragile and vulnerable because I was in love with the most wonderful person ever. I was afraid that if the love wasn't reciprocated our relationship would get awkward. I took her to the woods, far from where everyone else was-like we always did-that day we skipped school and all our duties to spend the day together. I gathered as much food as I could and even spent my saving to buy chocolates. We spent the day eating, laughing and talking; probably one of the best days of my life. When we were tired because of all of the eating and laughing, she laid on my lap looking at the woods and I couldn't take my eyes of her. She was very different from anyone in 7. She looked so graceful, elegant and delicate. You would never believe those soft hands could wield an ax and bring a tree down. Her hair was platinum blond and her skin reminded me of sugar for it wasn't only as white, but just as sweet.

There, I kissed her. I remember calling her name for her to face me and my whole body trembled when I kissed her for fear she would reject me. She kissed me back. I expected that the trembling would stop with the relief of her loving me, but it shook even more with excitement. From then on we lived our romance, hiding it from everyone, even some members of our family. We were rapidly told by our parents that we wouldn't be well accepted by anyone in Panem if they knew of our girl-to-girl love. But we didn't care. Hiding it or not we loved each other from the moon to the sun and all the way back home. One day, when our emotions were too tense and there was no reason for us to be missed anywhere, we fully loved each other for the first time. And from then on, I would run to her house, or she would run to mine every night for us to spend every possible second of our life together.

And then it happened. I was ripped for the Hunger Games. She was going to volunteer for me, but one look to my eyes and she knew I would kill her right there if she did that. I went to the games. Everything was as good as it could be. I won the games and all that stuff. I managed to convince those idiots to let me take a companion with me during the victor tour. She wouldn't be seen by anyone. I just wanted a bit of home accompanying me during the tour. I took her with me and it didn't take long for Snow to hear about it. He soon tried to sell me, just like he sold Finnick. But I had gone through the Games already. I could swallow no more Capitol shit and denied to be sold. He gave me two days to think about it. When he came back for the final answer I said no. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't betray my heart. My heart and body belonged to one person and only one, and it wasn't for sale or rent. Unavailable. Untouchable. I would never sell myself for all the money in the world because I belonged to her and myself, not to the Capitol or Snow's minions. The only money I needed was to buy food and chocolates for her family and mine, and I had enough of that already. Well, the chocolates were especially for her-she loved chocolate. When I came out of the reunion with Snow, he disappeared as fast as he reached me. I found everyone dead. Everyone. My mother, my father, my brothers and sisters. I ran to the woods, my shelter, to find her, my sanctuary." Johanna catches her breath and prepares herself to keep on telling me what happened. And suddenly I know what she going to tell me.

"She was there, waiting for me -dead- with a bouquet of white roses in her deadly cold hands. They were stained with her blood. She looked as beautiful as she always did. Her skin had barely started to turn gray. Her blood was still hot trying to bump its way to life. But my love was long gone with a horrible red smile in her neck and a faint one in her lips. They probably caught her by surprise. She probably was very anxious not to notice Snow's agents creeping behind her. That's what I thought, and I was right. After crying for hours on her dead body, staining myself with her blood because I just couldn't cope with the fact that she wouldn't answer me, she wouldn't fill the air with her sass or her laugh, she wouldn't kiss me anymore, she wouldn't love me anymore, she wouldn't comfort me or worry or anything; I was found by some people of the town-my parents' friends. They had to knock me out so they could take me away from her and prepare her for the funeral. I woke up in my damned house. I saw her basket near my bed, the one that was next to her when she died. I pick it up, hoping it will give me something to hold on to. Maybe a letter telling me that that wasn't actually her and that she was hidden in the woods somewhere, waiting for me, so we could run away. I open it and find bread, some roots and stiff meat and a box of chocolate. She bought them all herself with her own money even though she knew I had enough to buy all that and more.

It was our anniversary. We celebrated the day, but not the amount of time because it felt like a lifetime and not some years. I couldn't help but smile. She couldn't be sweeter. But the fact that I knew she wouldn't come in through my door ever again, made me unable to feel happy. There was a letter. In that letter she declared her eternal love to me and said that we should reveal our romance for Snow to leave me alone and understand that I couldn't sell myself to others because I already belonged to someone else. She said she would run with me if I wanted to. She said that if I decided to give in and follow Snow's orders she would understand because she knew that, at the end of the day, I was hers and she was mine 'till the end of time. She said she loved me and that she would do and accept whatever was necessary if it meant to bring me safety. She wanted to marry me. She didn't mind not having kids. But I could pay for that weird thing they do in the Capitol to get women pregnant without having them have sex with a guy. I never cried so much in my life. It was a month of crying and re-reading that letter. She loved me. She wanted to marry me. She wanted to have a family with me. She was prepared to do anything for me. She was the best I could have, probably more than I deserved. And that bastard took her away from me, Katniss. He took all I had. Everyone. I loved her, Kat. I had everything I loved snatched away from me. That's why I mumble at night. I fear you'll be snatched away from me too, or Finnick. You're all I have now and I don't know how I will cope with losing you too. She loved me more than anything and I loved her just as much. I love her."

We stay quiet for a long while as I take in everything Johanna told me. This is it. This is the story behind the tough and killer Johanna Mason. This is the story of how the soft, madly in love, extremely sweet Johanna Mason became an unscrupulous, though assassin, careless and fearless Johanna Mason. I wasn't sure of how to feel about this, surely outraged by the unlimited amount of cruelty that Snow is capable of. I know very well how it is to find those damned white roses. But how stupid it is for me to feel even a bit jealous that she just told me she still loves her?

"What was her name?" I ask her, noticing she didn't say it even once. Her voice catches when she tries to talk and she tries again.

"Elsa" Johanna says in a whisper, a tear dropping with the name. "Her name is Elsa-was Elsa." I notice how hard it is for her to correct herself, to remind herself that she isn't anymore and remember that she was. I don't know what to say. I never knew she loved that much. I don't think I ever loved with such intensity, or at least not in the same way. Not that I have noticed. And then I say the only thing that comes to mind.

"Don't worry. I don't plan to leave you. I'm not going anywhere. Well, I'm probably going to the Capitol, and you'll probably go too. Then you'll be sure nothing will happen to me, and I'll probably have a whole crew to make sure nothing will happen to me." She nods and kisses me longingly.

"You'll come out of this safe and sound. I just hope that when you do come out of it, you'll still be mine." She says honestly. I definitely have no answer for that. What am I supposed to say? I want to tell her it will all be fine, but I don't know. I told Prim she had no chance to be ripped for the Hunger Games, and look how that went on. Johanna notices my inner struggle and kisses me, and that's all we do, trying to calm each other's sorrows, until our lips are too sore and our minds too tired and we sleep.

* * *

><p>AN: I re-posted this chapter 'cause I fixed some stuff in it, especially to make it easier for you guys to read that long part of Johanna telling her story. That was thanks to some reviews. It was just too late when I posted and I forgot to do the typical reviews I make, so thanks a lot :-) Hope you guys enjoy this. By the way, Johanna's Elsa is the Elsa from "Frozen" because I think they are just perfect for each other. It's a minimal crossover and I plan to write a fanfic about them later.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

For the next three days Johanna and I put some distance between ourselves. We still sleep in the same bed, but we don't kiss as much and the amount of depressing and hopelessly romantic songs we play has increased significantly. Johanna has been constantly lost in her own thoughts, so I sit next to her or lay on her lap and pretend I'm not expecting her to kiss me or show any kind of affection towards me. Thankfully she hasn't given up the shower ritual; she's much better at that now, there's still a little bit of fear or hesitation, but she can even get in the shower without me pulling her in!

I seem to be stupid enough to actually get jealous of her with a dead person. Ugh. What's wrong with me? Maybe Gale knows, he felt jealous and knew he would never have a chance with me as long as Peeta was vulnerable and in danger. And it seems like I'm feeling the same thing towards Johanna and her oh-so-eternally-perfect-Elsa (and it's not like I can bring Elsa back and be like "see Jo, she's alright"). Where did I get that from? Johanna barely even talked about her with me after she told me her story. I caught here talking about Elsa with Finnick the day after, but that is completely normal, isn't it? It's like if Annie had been murdered by the Capitol and Finnick tries to get over her. Several years later he gets a lover (a real one, not one he was sold to) who has a high potential of having Annie's same destiny, so he freaks out about it. Then, when he finally opens up about Annie with his new lover, he fully remembers how much he loved her and how he never really stopped loving her. Thus he needs some time to recover and let all those feelings out without hurting his new lover; he would need to talk to a confidential friend: Johanna Mason. Why are my thoughts so tangled, even to myself? That is probably what is happening to Johanna. But why can I tolerate the hypothetical reality of Finnick going through this better than tolerating Johanna, who's actually going through this right now?!

Brrr. I'm starting to agree with Haymitch that I am "a strangely dislikable person." Apparently I was too distracted with hating on a dead angelical person and myself to notice the source of my worries walking right in the room and pacing towards me as if I was her prey. Johanna pushes me against the wall, brutally waking me from my stream of thought or whatever it was I was having. We kiss hungrily, almost reaching the point of aggressiveness. She lets go for me to catch my breath and bites my neck hard right after sniffing it.

"Oh heavens, you drive me crazy Kat." she says with a thick voice. Hmmm. I grin at myself. Apparently, as Haymitch also said, I do have my virtues, and driving Johanna Mason crazy is the best one I can think of right now, that is, if I'm able to think at all with her biting and kissing me so hungrily.

"I thought you were already crazy, Jo." I say trying to provoke her.

"I thought that too. Ugh. I missed you." She whispers softly next to my ear while sliding her hands under my shirt and caressing my stomach. She looks into my eyes seriously, "you understand I need that time right? She was too special and I had no opportunity to say goodbye." I understand. I actually do now.

"Yes Jo, I understand. I was just afraid to lose you for a moment, but then I remembered how bad I was when I was about to lose Peeta and that fear is gone now." Johanna smiles at me gladly and kisses me softly.

"Good, that makes me happy" she says, she kisses me softly and squeezes my abs. My body burns with desire. I want Johanna so much. I miss her too. I want to taste her, I want her to make me senseless, I want to hear her moaning my name. And it feels like it's about to happen. "I really missed you." And then she walks away, sits on her bed and starts picking a song she wants to hear. WHAT?! No no no no no! Come back. I thought- She can't turn me on and then leave like that.

Johanna lays on the bed stretching, completely unaware that I am struggling to keep my body under control. Her shirt goes up with her arms, revealing her lean body. I start drooling as my guts and groin boil with desire. I cement myself against the wall trying to keep control and Johanna groans longingly as she stretches her back. And I launch towards her and quickly pin her on the bed.

"WHA-mmmpf" I shut her exclamation kissing her desperately as if I was a starving girl and had a banquet offered to me. And I was indeed starving, and Johanna indeed was a banquet for me. I run my hands up and down, caressing her stomach under her shirt desperately and grab her breasts maybe too hard. My mind is blurred, my body is lacking self-control, my senses are focusing in my one and only need. I am starving. "Whoa! Whoa! Easy, girl on fire! Easy!" Johanna says, finally breaking away from the shock of been literally attacked as pushes me away and holds me in my place. I groan frustrated and try to get a grip of her shirt.

"Calm down girl, calm down. I'm not running away from you, ok?" I nod and start to calm down. "I just need a bit of time. Things might get really bad in the blink of an eye, but they don't get better from the second I talked to you to the moment I sat on my bed, ok brainless? I miss you and I want you, but you gotta give me my space and time."

I nod and lean towards her. When she notices I'm calm and not trying to attack her again she hugs me. I bury my face on her chest and start crying.

"Oh, babe. Shhh babe, shh" Johanna holds me tighter and rocks me lightly as she caresses my back.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I mumble against her skin. "I was afraid. I thought I'd lost you." to a dead person. But now she's here with me and I couldn't be better. I take in her scent and start kissing the gap between her breasts and bite her. After A LOT of foreplaying I finally get what I wanted.

My body burns with every touch. My mind goes beyond the world as Johanna sways my body with hers. My heart explodes with her everything overwhelming me. I've probably never been so needy and desperate and sensitive to get so worked up so rapidly. At the end, I was screaming her name, almost reaping the bed sheets and arching my back, pushing myself against her so hard that Coin will probably give me some kind of punishment or warning for disturbing reflection time.

"Looks like someone was in great need of… me" Johanna says when she finishes kissing her way back up to lay besides me. "Never had you come so hard." I blush at the comment and kiss her, smiling.

"Well, I did say I missed you a lot." I trail off as I slide my hand under her shirt. For some reason Johanna was still dressed.

"Umm, no, you didn't." She says moving my hand away from under her shirt.

"What? Yes I did." I say indignant that she was pulling me away and denying the fact that I missed her AT THE SAME TIME, IN THE SAME FUCKING SENTENCE.

"No, Katniss, you didn't. You said you were afraid of losing me. You never said you missed me." And it dawns in me. I never said I missed her. I said it to myself, but never out loud. Ugh. And it frustrates me. I lean in and kiss her and attempt to get under her shirt again, but again she stops me. "No, Kat. I told you. I need my space and time." she says pulling me down.

"But you—"

"No Katniss. I know. I'm good. I don't need it now. I'm satisfied with you screaming my name way too loud and I need no more than time, ok? I miss you and you got me worked up already." she says, finishing with a wink. "Just need some sleep. Haven't had a good sleep for some days."

And again we sleep. I try to object and stay awake as some kind of protest or rebellious act, but Johanna did a pretty darn good job at showing how much she missed me and I was too exhausted to keep myself awake. Before I even noticed it, I slipped away to my dream land with Johanna caressing my hair and whispering soft, sweet words to me.

* * *

><p>AN: Hey guys! This is my shortest chapter, but I plan the next one to be longer. Thank you for reading and reviewing, it's very important to me. I love you guys for it.

Please, keep on reviewing.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Next morning I wake with a new lightness to my heart; breakfast goes by quickly and we had to training, and that's when I can feel the world's weight on me again. Today was the last day of training. We would have less exhausting training routine today, but enough to keep our muscles used to the routine. Then, tomorrow, we would warm up and go through the testing for approval. That's when I would get my permit to go to the Capitol and kill Snow. But I wasn't relieved, or anxious or expectant. Why? Wasn't killing Snow my great motivation? If that wasn't it, then what could it be? I didn't want to go, I wanted to stay in with Johanna because I knew that as soon as we got on that hovercraft and flew to the Capitol Johanna and I wouldn't be able to touch each other as we wished. No, no, no. I want to go there. I'll go there. And I will kill Snow just like he killed Rue and my father and… and Elsa. Just like he stole Peeta away from me. Johanna bumps me with her hips distracting me from my thoughts.

"I'll be waiting for you in our room after lunch and your stupid meeting with President Coin." Johanna goes on to our room and I'm desperate to get there. Whatever it is we're gonna do, I want it! I finish eating quickly and go to the meeting eagerly, leaving Coin suspicious, but as I keep on bouncing around during the meeting, she decides to ignore my anxiousness. She goes on babbling and I'm waiting for her to provoke me so I get a reason to get mad and run from the room. But she never does, so I have to wait for the babbling to stop and for her to dismiss us. I'm the first out of the room and I practically sprint to my room, but not before noticing Gale's suspicious and hurt gaze.

I burst into the room making Johanna jump right off her bed into an attacking position, ready to stab anyone who was about to attack her. Worryingly, I notice there's a knife in her hand. When she sees it's me her eyes soften and she quickly hides the knife under her pillow and sits on the bed.

"Hey, brainless. How was the oh-so-interesting-and-important-meeting with Coin?" She asks me. Her so-openly mocking tone distracts me for a moment.

"I have no idea, Mason." I say pacing towards her. "I had something else keeping my mind busy." I'm about to sit on top of her when it hits me again- Johanna had a very lethal-looking knife in her hands a few seconds ago. "Where did you get that knife Johanna?" I ask her, making sure she will hear how serious this is and how worried I am. Johanna looks around, faking an innocent face and saying a long 'well'. "Johanna Mason. Where. Did. You. Get. That. Knife?" I repeat authoritatively.

"Well… It certainly wasn't from District 13's elite protection weaponry" Johanna says trailing off to pretend it was no big deal.

"Johanna! How could you?" I turn away from the bed. She stole a knife from Coin's personal security armory! "Do you have any idea of what they could do if they find out you stole a weapon for you to keep, from Coin's personal security weaponry?!" I exasperate at her.

"They certainly can't kill me know." Johanna says waving the knife as if to say that now that she's armed nobody can get even close to her, unless she gives permission.

"Johanna!" I exclaim incredulous that she can't see the danger she got herself into.

"What?! You rather have me take an axe? 'Cause that would be so much more discrete!" Johanna shouts back. I huff and turn away again. Johanna embraces me from my back. The knife is no longer in her hands and she kisses my shoulder making me tickle. "I know you're worried, brainless." she kisses me nearer to my neck, tingling me "but I need it." She kisses me where my neck connects with my shoulder and my stomach bubbles. "I feel safer with it" she kisses the nape of my neck, sending jolts of electricity down my spine. "I feel that I can protect you better" she kisses midway up my neck. "And it's a pretty darn good knife." She finishes explaining herself, kissing all the way up to my chin and earlobe and she only stops to bite it and snatch a moan out of me.

"So…" I clear my throat for her not to notice how thick my voice is with need and desire. "You did this to protect us?" I ask turning my face to have a better look at her from this angle, and feeling her lips so close to mine. Oh, what three days can do to a person! I still miss her. I'm still needy of her and sensitive even to her name. Well… More than I was before. Johanna chuckles lightly.

"No, brainless. To protect you." Johanna answers in a soft purr. CALM DOWN! YOU MUST HAVE CONTROL. I can feel the fire burning my lungs, heart, inner legs and brain. Am I hyperventilating or am I actually on fire? Or what is going on with me? Johanna narrows her eyes as she gets a bit closer, brushing her lips on mine. She's provoking me! She wants me to give in. Ha, let's see who wins this game. She sighs, tingling my lips with her hot, fresh breath. NO. I. MUST. NOT. GIVE. IN. And then she hugs me tighter, pressing her groin against my butt firmly and moans throatily against my lips. The little control I had is completely gone. My own mind seems to boil away as I lunge forward and trap her lips in mine. We take each other violently as Johanna turns me around and bumps me against the wall pressing her body against mine with despair.

The pressure she's putting on me is overwhelming and I'm barely supporting myself on my tiptoes. Johanna seems to notice my effort as she slides her hands down my behind and grabs my tights firmly pulling them up. I take the momentum to wrap my legs around Johanna's waist, giving her more space to touch me and extinguishing any space that was still between us. Taking advantage of my position and the pressure Johanna is applying on me against the wall, I start rolling my hips against her instinctively, making both of us moan into each other's mouths.

Johanna mumbles something that gets lost in our kiss. When we finally break the kiss I'm panting, in desperate need of air. "Sorry, I didn't understand what you said" I say between gasps. Johanna kisses my neck as her heart beat decelerates.

"I said, 'Fuck you Katniss. I wanted to tell you how awesome that knife is but you just drive me crazy'." Johanna answers me and resumes to kiss my neck.

"Oh, I thought you were trying to provoke me." I say feeling bad; maybe I misinterpreted her and kissed her when she only wanted to keep on talking.

"I wasn't trying, brainless. I was provoking, and achieved my goal." And she goes back to kissing my neck again. Whaaaat? ... I'm confused.

"But you just said you wanted to tell me about your knife…" Johanna looks up to me again rolling her eyes.

"Yes, I wanted. But you drive me crazy, therefore I couldn't." Once again, she goes back to the kissing making me roll my eyes with pleasure and slightly buck my hips against her.

"Oh, so" I begin, but I'm quickly interrupted by her.

"Will you please shut up! I'm trying to focus on this!" I look startled at her. I didn't notice I was annoying her. "Gods, Katniss!" Johanna groans in frustration and buries her face in my hair. I wait, unsure of what to do when she breathes deeply and tightens her grip on my thighs. "So, the knife has a lethal poison that will kill anyone in a few seconds with a simple scratch, doesn't even need to actually make the person bleed. But, it is connected to two people's DNA, making the knife's poison inactive if, for some stupid reason, it touches the wrong person. Before, it was connected to Coin and one of her assholes, but now I turned my DNA in with a few drops of blood and yours with your hair. There, you have it." she finishes with a frustrated sigh. That's soooo cool!

"That's— It's amazing." I tell her.

"Glad you like it. Wanna take shower, brainless?" Johanna asks with a smirk. I nod at her grinning. She presses her body even more against, rolling her hips, sending a jolt from there up my body. And licks my neck all the way up to my chin, making me shiver. "Good, 'cause you're needing it." She winks at me and helps me down. I have to support myself on the wall because of my shaky legs, before locking the bedroom's door and following Johanna to the bathroom.

We quickly undress each other in between kisses and go to the shower. After we clean up, Johanna pulls me under water, with her, and starts to kiss me again, as if her life depended on it. Although I more than enjoy it, it leaves me uneasy for I'm used with Johanna being passionate but controlled and with measured action, not so desperate.I break the kiss and hold her face between my hands.

"Is everything alright?" I ask, holding her close to me. Johanna's lips tremble as she tries to swallow a sob and a tear falls down her cheek, reddening her eyes.

"I'm just nervous. What if we don't get through it? What if I don't pass the test and you go to the Capitol and I never see you again? What if we die there, in the Capitol? What if we lose the war and they capture us, or even worse, they capture only one of us? This is my last opportunity to kiss and touch you as I like." She stutters through her sentences as her tear dries up. It's been a while since I noticed that no matter how much she sobs, Johanna's tears have a hard time finding their way out of her eyelids and she mostly does the sobbing sounds but never truly cries.

"What about this… what if I go back in time and kill the person who had the stupid idea of joining those two words in one question, and I just take advantage that I'm already back in time and I forever praise the person who had the brilliant idea of saying I love you for the first time?" I say looking deep into her eyes. She gives me a short smile and chuckles. "And I agree. You should kiss me and touch me before they steal away our privacy again." And with that Johanna goes back to kissing me, but this time she's kissing me like she did before. As if I belonged to her, like she was the one in command and with an insatiable hunger that I reciprocated with equal hopelessness of resisting each other.

Johanna starts to play with my breasts and moves her thigh between my legs making my head go giddy. She starts moving her whole body, rubbing her thigh against me. I moan into the kiss, determined that for at least this time I won't try to keep any sound in. Whatever it might be and no matter how loud it is, I'll just let it go. Her movements make my knees go watery. It's so different to do this standing; there's no stability. We always do it on her bed, so I never had this sensation of weakness and fragility, of not being able to keep myself up.

She seems to sense it as she moves her hands down to my waist. She grinds herself against me one more time before leading me and pressing my back against the wall. Johanna kept on moving one of her hands down until she reached between my legs. I gasp in anticipation. Heavens, I missed her so much. She slides her fingers between my folds, playing with them as she presses my clit with her palm, rubbing it. I try to mirror her, but I'm certainly not as good as she is because my mind isn't working and I can't help but to let out loud moans and groans and let my head fall on her shoulder as I claw her back and buck my hips with each movement of her fingers. I beg for more in desperation that it will be over all too soon, moaning her name loudly. If Gale had any doubts that I am Johanna's lover, they probably vanished by now.

I tense, just like in that first time, feeling like a bow as I press myself against her and she presses me against the wall. It's just like that first time, when I couldn't believe that it was actually happening. I notice her firm grip on my hips that aren't only helping our movements but also holding me up and against the wall, preventing me from falling. Apparently my legs have long forgotten that they are supposed to keep me up instead of bringing me down. And they seem to be quite dedicated in being a trembling dead weight as I try to firm them on the ground.

Johanna slides two fingers inside me and slowly starts moving them. "Johanna, I—" I try to talk but the feeling in my venter and the tension and the pleasure and her smell and her skin trap any intelligible words in my throat. I'm so close Johanna. I- I bite her neck in an attempt to tell her I can't last much longer as both our moans and groans are increasingly louder and harsher.

We kiss, or at least try to because we can't really block our unstoppable need for air in this instant; trying to make our final cry less loud. And when I give a final cry of the most pleasurable battle, as if I was defeated for never have I felt so fragile and exposed, I feel Johanna soaking my own fingers. Suddenly it feels like victory with Johanna moaning fervently into my mouth. We keep on moving our hips and fingers, slowly bringing ourselves down from this drugless high.

I bring my fingers up to my mouth and lick the juices off it. "Hmm. Oh Jo, I will never get tired of your taste."I tell her, a smirk stamped on my face.

Johanna kisses me, nipping my lower lip. What a surprise, my head just went spinning with the feeling and my venter is boiling all over again. She smirks at me, "Not until you find something sweeter. But I must admit I'm very fond of your taste, girl on fire." And my smirk is whipped out as I feel her fingers, which never left me, thrusting inside me again. She gives me a wicked grin. She didn't give me a second to breath, to fully relax. She didn't even leave me! Is it okay for- HOLY JOHANNA MA—

I grip her shoulders vigorously, gritting my teeth and shutting my eyes tightly. I try to keep hold of reality as I feel her moving in me, as I rock my hips against her, as she whispers sweet words to me, as I gasp and moan convulsively, as I hold on to her, as if my life depended on it. Oh, no one can tell me I'm the girl on fire; nothing can make me the girl on fire, not even Cinna. Only Johanna can set me on fire. Only her smell. Only her mouth. Only her hands. Only her legs. Only her body. Only her voice. Only her smirk. Only her mockery. Only her provocations. Only her eyes. Only Johanna can set me on fire. Only Johanna. Johanna… "Joha-naahg" My body shrieks with small convulsions that run through my body in shock waves. I hang onto her, afraid of falling. She gives me a long kiss on my head as I slowly ride off my orgasm with her fingers slowing their pace, giving me the opportunity to savor this magical moment to the very last second. Oh God, she sent me over the edge twice. Consecutively. How? I thought…

Johanna slowly slides off me and brings her fingers up, raising an eyebrow. Her fingers are exponentially soaked. I'm dripping off her fingers. She licks her middle finger and moans. "Hmmm. So good. Wanna have a taste sweetheart?" I feel my face burning even more. Surely I just created a new color of red. "Sorry, you're taking too long and wasting this precious juice." She says licking her index finger. Uff. I really wasn't sure I would like to taste myself, so her lack of patience saved me once again.

When I'm finally breathing again and I don't need any help to stand straight, we get off the bathroom and dry our bodies. Of course, my legs are still shaky, so I have to walk carefully. After that we ignore any compromise we might have for the rest of the day and collapse on Johanna's bed with our legs tangled, her chin on my head and me snuggling her neck. We both stay there enjoying the soft silence ringing through our bodies and our company as we slowly drift into sleep to only wake up next morning, ready to prove how ready we are. To go to the Capitol. To kill Snow. To make him pay for everything he has done to Peeta… and everyone 6

Next morning I wake with a new lightness to my heart; breakfast goes by quickly and we had to training, and that's when I can feel the world's weight on me again. Today was the last day of training. We would have less exhausting training routine today, but enough to keep our muscles used to the routine. Then, tomorrow, we would warm up and go through the testing for approval. That's when I would get my permit to go to the Capitol and kill Snow. But I wasn't relieved, or anxious or expectant. Why? Wasn't killing Snow my great motivation? If that wasn't it, then what could it be? I didn't want to go, I wanted to stay in with Johanna because I knew that as soon as we got on that hovercraft and flew to the Capitol Johanna and I wouldn't be able to touch each other as we wished. No, no, no. I want to go there. I'll go there. And I will kill Snow just like he killed Rue and my father and… and Elsa. Just like he stole Peeta away from me. Johanna bumps me with her hips distracting me from my thoughts.

"I'll be waiting for you in our room after lunch and your stupid meeting with President Coin." Johanna goes on to our room and I'm desperate to get there. Whatever it is we're gonna do, I want it! I finish eating quickly and go to the meeting eagerly, leaving Coin suspicious, but as I keep on bouncing around during the meeting, she decides to ignore my anxiousness. She goes on babbling and I'm waiting for her to provoke me so I get a reason to get mad and run from the room. But she never does, so I have to wait for the babbling to stop and for her to dismiss us. I'm the first out of the room and I practically sprint to my room, but not before noticing Gale's suspicious and hurt gaze.

I burst into the room making Johanna jump right off her bed into an attacking position, ready to stab anyone who was about to attack her. Worryingly, I notice there's a knife in her hand. When she sees it's me her eyes soften and she quickly hides the knife under her pillow and sits on the bed.

"Hey, brainless. How was the oh-so-interesting-and-important-meeting with Coin?" She asks me. Her so-openly mocking tone distracts me for a moment.

"I have no idea, Mason." I say pacing towards her. "I had something else keeping my mind busy." I'm about to sit on top of her when it hits me again- Johanna had a very lethal-looking knife in her hands a few seconds ago. "Where did you get that knife Johanna?" I ask her, making sure she will hear how serious this is and how worried I am. Johanna looks around, faking an innocent face and saying a long 'well'. "Johanna Mason. Where. Did. You. Get. That. Knife?" I repeat authoritatively.

"Well… It certainly wasn't from District 13's elite protection weaponry" Johanna says trailing off to pretend it was no big deal.

"Johanna! How could you?" I turn away from the bed. She stole a knife from Coin's personal security armory! "Do you have any idea of what they could do if they find out you stole a weapon for you to keep, from Coin's personal security weaponry?!" I exasperate at her.

"They certainly can't kill me know." Johanna says waving the knife as if to say that now that she's armed nobody can get even close to her, unless she gives permission.

"Johanna!" I exclaim incredulous that she can't see the danger she got herself into.

"What?! You rather have me take an axe? 'Cause that would be so much more discrete!" Johanna shouts back. I huff and turn away again. Johanna embraces me from my back. The knife is no longer in her hands and she kisses my shoulder making me tickle. "I know you're worried, brainless." she kisses me nearer to my neck, tingling me "but I need it." She kisses me where my neck connects with my shoulder and my stomach bubbles. "I feel safer with it" she kisses the nape of my neck, sending jolts of electricity down my spine. "I feel that I can protect you better" she kisses midway up my neck. "And it's a pretty darn good knife." She finishes explaining herself, kissing all the way up to my chin and earlobe and she only stops to bite it and snatch a moan out of me.

"So…" I clear my throat for her not to notice how thick my voice is with need and desire. "You did this to protect us?" I ask turning my face to have a better look at her from this angle, and feeling her lips so close to mine. Oh, what three days can do to a person! I still miss her. I'm still needy of her and sensitive even to her name. Well… More than I was before. Johanna chuckles lightly.

"No, brainless. To protect you." Johanna answers in a soft purr. CALM DOWN! YOU MUST HAVE CONTROL. I can feel the fire burning my lungs, heart, inner legs and brain. Am I hyperventilating or am I actually on fire? Or what is going on with me? Johanna narrows her eyes as she gets a bit closer, brushing her lips on mine. She's provoking me! She wants me to give in. Ha, let's see who wins this game. She sighs, tingling my lips with her hot, fresh breath. NO. I. MUST. NOT. GIVE. IN. And then she hugs me tighter, pressing her groin against my butt firmly and moans throatily against my lips. The little control I had is completely gone. My own mind seems to boil away as I lunge forward and trap her lips in mine. We take each other violently as Johanna turns me around and bumps me against the wall pressing her body against mine with despair.

The pressure she's putting on me is overwhelming and I'm barely supporting myself on my tiptoes. Johanna seems to notice my effort as she slides her hands down my behind and grabs my tights firmly pulling them up. I take the momentum to wrap my legs around Johanna's waist, giving her more space to touch me and extinguishing any space that was still between us. Taking advantage of my position and the pressure Johanna is applying on me against the wall, I start rolling my hips against her instinctively, making both of us moan into each other's mouths.

Johanna mumbles something that gets lost in our kiss. When we finally break the kiss I'm panting, in desperate need of air. "Sorry, I didn't understand what you said" I say between gasps. Johanna kisses my neck as her heart beat decelerates.

"I said, 'Fuck you Katniss. I wanted to tell you how awesome that knife is but you just drive me crazy'." Johanna answers me and resumes to kiss my neck.

"Oh, I thought you were trying to provoke me." I say feeling bad; maybe I misinterpreted her and kissed her when she only wanted to keep on talking.

"I wasn't trying, brainless. I was provoking, and achieved my goal." And she goes back to kissing my neck again. Whaaaat? ... I'm confused.

"But you just said you wanted to tell me about your knife…" Johanna looks up to me again rolling her eyes.

"Yes, I wanted. But you drive me crazy, therefore I couldn't." Once again, she goes back to the kissing making me roll my eyes with pleasure and slightly buck my hips against her.

"Oh, so" I begin, but I'm quickly interrupted by her.

"Will you please shut up! I'm trying to focus on this!" I look startled at her. I didn't notice I was annoying her. "Gods, Katniss!" Johanna groans in frustration and buries her face in my hair. I wait, unsure of what to do when she breathes deeply and tightens her grip on my thighs. "So, the knife has a lethal poison that will kill anyone in a few seconds with a simple scratch, doesn't even need to actually make the person bleed. But, it is connected to two people's DNA, making the knife's poison inactive if, for some stupid reason, it touches the wrong person. Before, it was connected to Coin and one of her assholes, but now I turned my DNA in with a few drops of blood and yours with your hair. There, you have it." she finishes with a frustrated sigh. That's soooo cool!

"That's— It's amazing." I tell her.

"Glad you like it. Wanna take shower, brainless?" Johanna asks with a smirk. I nod at her grinning. She presses her body even more against, rolling her hips, sending a jolt from there up my body. And licks my neck all the way up to my chin, making me shiver. "Good, 'cause you're needing it." She winks at me and helps me down. I have to support myself on the wall because of my shaky legs, before locking the bedroom's door and following Johanna to the bathroom.

We quickly undress each other in between kisses and go to the shower. After we clean up, Johanna pulls me under water, with her, and starts to kiss me again, as if her life depended on it. Although I more than enjoy it, it leaves me uneasy for I'm used with Johanna being passionate but controlled and with measured action, not so desperate.I break the kiss and hold her face between my hands.

"Is everything alright?" I ask, holding her close to me. Johanna's lips tremble as she tries to swallow a sob and a tear falls down her cheek, reddening her eyes.

"I'm just nervous. What if we don't get through it? What if I don't pass the test and you go to the Capitol and I never see you again? What if we die there, in the Capitol? What if we lose the war and they capture us, or even worse, they capture only one of us? This is my last opportunity to kiss and touch you as I like." She stutters through her sentences as her tear dries up. It's been a while since I noticed that no matter how much she sobs, Johanna's tears have a hard time finding their way out of her eyelids and she mostly does the sobbing sounds but never truly cries.

"What about this… what if I go back in time and kill the person who had the stupid idea of joining those two words in one question, and I just take advantage that I'm already back in time and I forever praise the person who had the brilliant idea of saying I love you for the first time?" I say looking deep into her eyes. She gives me a short smile and chuckles. "And I agree. You should kiss me and touch me before they steal away our privacy again." And with that Johanna goes back to kissing me, but this time she's kissing me like she did before. As if I belonged to her, like she was the one in command and with an insatiable hunger that I reciprocated with equal hopelessness of resisting each other.

Johanna starts to play with my breasts and moves her thigh between my legs making my head go giddy. She starts moving her whole body, rubbing her thigh against me. I moan into the kiss, determined that for at least this time I won't try to keep any sound in. Whatever it might be and no matter how loud it is, I'll just let it go. Her movements make my knees go watery. It's so different to do this standing; there's no stability. We always do it on her bed, so I never had this sensation of weakness and fragility, of not being able to keep myself up.

She seems to sense it as she moves her hands down to my waist. She grinds herself against me one more time before leading me and pressing my back against the wall. Johanna kept on moving one of her hands down until she reached between my legs. I gasp in anticipation. Heavens, I missed her so much. She slides her fingers between my folds, playing with them as she presses my clit with her palm, rubbing it. I try to mirror her, but I'm certainly not as good as she is because my mind isn't working and I can't help but to let out loud moans and groans and let my head fall on her shoulder as I claw her back and buck my hips with each movement of her fingers. I beg for more in desperation that it will be over all too soon, moaning her name loudly. If Gale had any doubts that I am Johanna's lover, they probably vanished by now.

I tense, just like in that first time, feeling like a bow as I press myself against her and she presses me against the wall. It's just like that first time, when I couldn't believe that it was actually happening. I notice her firm grip on my hips that aren't only helping our movements but also holding me up and against the wall, preventing me from falling. Apparently my legs have long forgotten that they are supposed to keep me up instead of bringing me down. And they seem to be quite dedicated in being a trembling dead weight as I try to firm them on the ground.

Johanna slides two fingers inside me and slowly starts moving them. "Johanna, I—" I try to talk but the feeling in my venter and the tension and the pleasure and her smell and her skin trap any intelligible words in my throat. I'm so close Johanna. I- I bite her neck in an attempt to tell her I can't last much longer as both our moans and groans are increasingly louder and harsher.

We kiss, or at least try to because we can't really block our unstoppable need for air in this instant; trying to make our final cry less loud. And when I give a final cry of the most pleasurable battle, as if I was defeated for never have I felt so fragile and exposed, I feel Johanna soaking my own fingers. Suddenly it feels like victory with Johanna moaning fervently into my mouth. We keep on moving our hips and fingers, slowly bringing ourselves down from this drugless high.

I bring my fingers up to my mouth and lick the juices off it. "Hmm. Oh Jo, I will never get tired of your taste."I tell her, a smirk stamped on my face.

Johanna kisses me, nipping my lower lip. What a surprise, my head just went spinning with the feeling and my venter is boiling all over again. She smirks at me, "Not until you find something sweeter. But I must admit I'm very fond of your taste, girl on fire." And my smirk is whipped out as I feel her fingers, which never left me, thrusting inside me again. She gives me a wicked grin. She didn't give me a second to breath, to fully relax. She didn't even leave me! Is it okay for- HOLY JOHANNA MA—

I grip her shoulders vigorously, gritting my teeth and shutting my eyes tightly. I try to keep hold of reality as I feel her moving in me, as I rock my hips against her, as she whispers sweet words to me, as I gasp and moan convulsively, as I hold on to her, as if my life depended on it. Oh, no one can tell me I'm the girl on fire; nothing can make me the girl on fire, not even Cinna. Only Johanna can set me on fire. Only her smell. Only her mouth. Only her hands. Only her legs. Only her body. Only her voice. Only her smirk. Only her mockery. Only her provocations. Only her eyes. Only Johanna can set me on fire. Only Johanna. Johanna… "Joha-naahg" My body shrieks with small convulsions that run through my body in shock waves. I hang onto her, afraid of falling. She gives me a long kiss on my head as I slowly ride off my orgasm with her fingers slowing their pace, giving me the opportunity to savor this magical moment to the very last second. Oh God, she sent me over the edge twice. Consecutively. How? I thought…

Johanna slowly slides off me and brings her fingers up, raising an eyebrow. Her fingers are exponentially soaked. I'm dripping off her fingers. She licks her middle finger and moans. "Hmmm. So good. Wanna have a taste sweetheart?" I feel my face burning even more. Surely I just created a new color of red. "Sorry, you're taking too long and wasting this precious juice." She says licking her index finger. Uff. I really wasn't sure I would like to taste myself, so her lack of patience saved me once again.

When I'm finally breathing again and I don't need any help to stand straight, we get off the bathroom and dry our bodies. Of course, my legs are still shaky, so I have to walk carefully. After that we ignore any compromise we might have for the rest of the day and collapse on Johanna's bed with our legs tangled, her chin on my head and me snuggling her neck. We both stay there enjoying the soft silence ringing through our bodies and our company as we slowly drift into sleep to only wake up next morning, ready to prove how ready we are. To go to the Capitol. To kill Snow. To make him pay for everything he has done to Peeta… and everyone else.

* * *

><p>AN: Hey guys! sorry for taking so long. Life is getting in the way. IB, etc. We are close to the end :S I wanna thank you all for all the people following this fic and marking it as their favorite. 3 Makes me so happy. I appreciate the constructive reviews. I'll try to update sooner. Don't sip away from me, not yet ;-)


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

After I finished my test I find one more flaw in my persona. Lack of discipline—better say: lack of crazy military discipline. My objective was right there and they couldn't let me go. They had to just show me how much obedience I lack and owe them. Just like the Capitol. But I passed the test and I'm ready to go to the Capitol. It's mainly to just show me shooting arrows around and fighting the rebellion while the rest of the revolution actually wins the war, but I'll find my way to Snow. I will kill him and then… Well, I used to say there was nothing after that, but maybe I can just go to Seven or Johanna could go to Twelve and we can live in my house. I don't know what will happen. I don't know what I want to happen. Maybe I should just kill Snow first and then see what comes up.

After being dismissed from the meeting, Finnick and I discuss how similar this is to the games and how people like Annie or Prim or mother won't hear a word from us about this. That's when Haymitch comes with the news. "Johanna is back in the hospital." He said with no warning. He could have said, "Hey guys, guess what? Something really bad and unfortunate happened." But no. Nothing at all. Just dropped the bomb. Just how it's very likely of Haymitch to do. Just like I would do it. My blood freezes Why? Why? Why? Johanna is a warrior. She should have passed the training!

"Is she hurt? What happened?" I hear myself blurting, unable to control the despair in my voice.

"They flooded the block in the simulation." Haymitch answers and my head spins as I feel the floor shifting under my feet. Why? Why? I thought I helped. My knees wobble and I have to support myself on the wall as Haymitch keeps on talking, "you two should go see her. You're as close to friends as she's got." I try to say something casual about what is going happen. Both Finnick and Haymitch leave to do whatever they'll do and I wait for Boggs to ask him for a special favor.

I run to my compartment, thinking to use the parachute, but it's so full of ugly memories. Instead, I go across the hall and take one of the white cotton bandages I brought from 12. Square. Sturdy. Just the thing. In the woods, I find a pine tree and strip handfuls of fragrant needles from the boughs. After making a neat pile in the middle of the bandage, I gather up the sides, give them a twist, and tie them tightly with a length of vine, making an apple-sized bundle.

When I finally gain the courage to go see Johanna, I stop to watch her before making myself noticed. I realize that without her sassy aggressive nature, Johanna is no more than a young woman who is now fighting against the drugs to stay awake. I know why. She fears what sleep brings. The nightmares. The blood. Elsa's lifeless body unable to comfort her and let her know everything is going to be alright.

I cross to her and hold out the bundle unsure of what to say.

"What's that?" She says hoarsely. Damp edges of her hair form little spikes over her forehead. Sweaty with the effort of staying awake. Sweaty with the fear of vulnerability.

"I made it for you, Jo. Something to put in your drawer." I place it in her hands. My tongue itches wanting to say the truth. Something to keep us close. "Go on, smell it." She lifts the bundle to her nose and takes a careful sniff. And her eyes flood with tears.

"Smells like home." Her voice cracks as it brings her wonderful and dreadful memories. I can see all of them running in front of her eyes.

"That's what I was hoping. You being from Seven and all," I say and suddenly a memory brings a smile to my face. "Remember when we met? You were a tree. Well, briefly." I say in an attempt to make her laugh or at least smile, maybe make her eyes shine with something that isn't fear or rage. But she abruptly grabs my wrist in an iron grip.

"You have to kill him, Katniss." Her voice is firm but desperate.

"Don't worry, I don't plan on doing otherwise." I resist the temptation to wrench my arm free. I wanted her touch, but not this.

"Swear it. On something you care about," she hisses at me. Where's the Johanna I knew? Where's the Johanna from a couple of days ago? Where's my Jo? Do you want me to swear it on you?

"I swear it. On my life." But she doesn't let go of my arm. We both know how much I care about that. Her eyes almost shadow with sarcasm when I say it, but she's quick to snatch the needy rage back into her eyes.

"On your family's life" she insists, knowing what truly matters to me.

"On my family's life," I repeat, making sure it sounds convincing. I swear it on your life Johanna. I swear it on my want to see you strong again. I want to say it. I feel it tingling my tongue as we shovel deep into each other's eyes. But then she lets go and I rub my wrist, losing any buzz that was making me consider saying it out loud. I want her to know, but I don't dare say it. What if she hears me? What if someone else hears me? I love you. But do I? "Why do you think I'm going anyway, brainless?" I finally say, replacing my real oath with a slight tease. That makes her smile a little, brightening my heart with hope.

"I just needed to hear it." She presses the bundle of pine needles to her nose sniffing as much as her numb muscle would let her and reluctantly closes her eyes whispering a sloppy "thank you". I try to stay awake watching over her, but after a few hours of constant vigilance over her well-being she seems to be alright in her dreams. I start dozing off when I hear her whispering something. My mind goes to alert mode immediately as I try to identify what she whispers. Three times she says it, the word dragging out of her lips in an almost inaudible whisper.

I run from the hospital to my room trying to hold the tears that sting my eyes mercilessly. It was a name, a short soft name. I try to convince myself that it was my name, but both I and my consciousness know it was her name. I wish I could say that this night's sleepless, but I actually cry myself to sleep. During the next days my energy is slightly lower than usual and everyone looks at me with concerned eyes. "It's nothing, just a bit nervous. Haven't being able to sleep." I lie to them. I've slept a lot, but sleep never brings me rest. I see the many ways the mission in the Capitol could go wrong. I meet Elsa when she's dead. I meet Elsa and Johanna married and happy, kissing into their happily ever after ending as I slowly slip away from the world and nobody notices because now not even Peeta cares.

Real or not real?

It's all fire.

It's all burning.

It's all gone.

Finally, I am the girl on fire.

I am on fire

Who am I?

I'm Katniss Everdeen from District 12. I'm 17. I won the 74th Hunger Games. I escaped from the Quarter Quell. I survived. I am the Mockingjay. I am the rebellion. I'm fighting against the Capitol. Until- until she…. Oh Prim.

Am I? Am I? Or is the correct term was? I don't know anymore. It's all red. It's all burning. It's all gone. I dream with all of them gone. Flying away. I want to fly with them. Prim cries and begs me to stay. But it hurts here. It burns here. I don't want to stay. I don't want to burn anymore. I don't want to be the girl on fire. I don't want to be the Mockingjay. I never did. I just want to go to them. I want it so bad. But slowly I feel myself being dragged away back to the burning world. I haven't killed Snow yet. I have to kill him. And slowly the thirst from revenge grows and fuels the fire that burns me awake. Snow is going to die as quick as snow melts near fire.

Faces flash by. Masked doctors. Mother. Haymitch. Disctrict 13 people. A white ceiling. More doctors. At some point I'm able to turn a bit without much pain and I see her there. Do I? As far as I know she's alive. Not like Finnick. Not like Prim. Not like Boggs. But what do I know? Maybe it's just a vision to peace me down. Johanna worrying about me enough to seat in the same room I am hospitalized in to make sure I'm alright? No. Johanna would never. Even if she loved me. After all she's Johanna Mason; she's being through all that and she knows how people would react to an us. I don't know the latter, but I've being through my own life and I wouldn't come to see her, even if I loved her. Would I? Do I?

I drift off and back to reality again and again and again, with that question bothering me. Do I? Do I love at all? What if everyone is gone now? I don't know how am I not gone, but I'm here. Alive. Burning. Vulnerable. Living of morphing. But alive. Alive. I slowly come back. The doctors decide I can have my own room even though they are still concerned with my muteness. And I take back my habit of hiding inside closets and hoping nobody finds me. Then I drift off to sleep, and when I'm sure there's no one to see I come out of the closet and go back to my room so they can attempt to feed me.

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am seventeen years old. My home is District 12. There is no District

12. I am the Mockingjay. I brought down the Capitol. President Snow hates me. He killed my sister. Now I will

kill him. And then the Hunger Games will be over...

The bracelet in my wrist screams as I turn it round and around. Mentally disoriented. Mentally disoriented mentallydisoriented mentallydisorientedmentallydisorientedmentallydisorientedmentallydisoriented. Suddenly I find myself despising baths. I bath alone or with someone's help. And I hate it. I don't want to shower with them. I don't want to shower alone. I just want- I don't want to see my naked body in the mirror. My burned naked body. Naked. Alone. Burned. Closing my eyes doesn't help. Fire burns brighter in the dark. Prim burns brighter in the dark. I burn brighter in the dark. She burns brighter in the dark. Did she burn? Peeta burns brighter in the dark. Peeta. Peeta made it to the city. He's aflame like me. He's still in the hospital. Oh Peeta. I'm glad he's alive but I regret he burned like me. He still loves me. Peeta is actually coming back but what about- What if…

The smell burns my nostrils. Roses. Am I close to where they grow? His words bump the blood in my veins at a quicker, feverish rate. "However, I must concede it was a masterful move on Coin's part. The idea that I was bombing our own helpless children instantly snapped whatever frail allegiance my people still felt to me. There was no real resistance after that. Did you know it aired live? You can see Plutarch's hand there. And in the parachutes. Well, it's that sort of thinking that you look for in a Head Gamemaker, isn't it? I'm sure he wasn't gunning for your sister, but these things happen." She's going to kill me. Coin has everything in her grasp. Everything… except me. Boggs words bump into my ears. "If your immediate answer isn't Coin, then you're a threat. You're the face of the rebellion. You may have more influence than any other single person. Outwardly, the most you've ever done is tolerated her." And Prim. Prim, as much as she would love to, she wasn't old enough yet to be aloud to the front of the war to rescue people by District 13 rules. Coin must have- No. No. Now I'm going crazy. Now I'm just going back to paranoia. No good in that. I need help. I need someone to help me figure this out. Cinna, Boggs, Finnick and Prim are off the list. Peeta could only speculate. Johanna is hospitalized as far as I know. I haven't heard a word of her. Gale is probably far away and even if he were here what would I ask him? "Hey, Gale. Was it your bomb that killed Prim? You know, just curious about it. Want to figure some stuff out." No. There's only one person I can go to. He might gamble my life in the games, but he won't play around when Coin is involved. With that in mind I go find Haymitch.

"Haymitch" I begin after waking him up, probably from a nightmare.

"Listen to that. The Mockingjay found her voice." He laughs. "Well, Plutarch's going to be happy." Go screw Plutarch and his games. I want to know who actually killed Prim. I want to know why the fuck hasn't there been a word about Johanna.

"I need your help" I say. Haymitch belches, filling the air with white liquor fumes. Where's Johanna? Who commanded those bombs?

"What is it, sweetheart? More boy trouble?" Boy trouble? Prim's death and murderer isn't boy trouble. Johanna is not boy trouble. Even Peeta- I don't know why, but this hurts me in a way Haymitch rarely can. It must show on my face, because even in his drunken state, he tries to take it back. "Okay, not funny." I'm already at the door, wondering how can I feel so empty. "Not funny! Come back!" By the thud of his body hitting the floor, I assume he tried to follow me, but there's no point. I'll just hide again. In one those closets no one finds me. No one sees me coming out.

I stay in there, with the furs, for god-knows-how-long. Feeling fear and disappointment creeping up in my heart when someone opens the closet doors. For a moment I think it might be good to resist, but to what point? They'll just drag me out and get it their way. The person kneels down and holds my face and I can't believe this. I see that smirk forming the lips when they open to speak.

"You've been hiding in these closets for a while now. I thought you would stop at some point, but you never did." Her voice rings in my ears like a blessing. She's here. She was keeping an eye on me. She has followed me, without me noticing, for all this time. My heart pounds against my chest for what seems the first time since I was aflame. "I'm glad you're still alive and that your mental disorientation has kept you at simply hiding in closets. But that can't last forever, girl on fire. I thought you'd come out at some point. But since it looks like that won't happen I will drag you out of the closet, brainless." She's glad. She is glad that I am alive. The nickname brings the ghost of a smile to my face. She pulls me up into her arms and drags me away. I let me be carried as my mind drifts off again. And for a long time, in my sleep, I am not on fire, I am not burning. I'm just in Johanna's arms, swinging loosely, been carried away by the only person who know me in every way a person could know me.

* * *

><p>AN: Hey guys! So, we're close to the ending. And I just want to warn you all. It might not end as expected. Hope you guys liked it. It took me sooooo long to write it. Life's going hard on me and it has stolen my time, but I'm trying my best to keep on updating. After I finish it I will do a general review of the chapters 'cause I bet there are some silly but horrible mistakes along the way. This chapter is barely review. So I'm sorry, just don't want to delay it any further. Please review. It's important to me. Constructive criticism always motivates and lets me know someone is actually reading the story :-) Sending lots of love to everyone who needs it. Got lots to give, so here you go. Anything you need just PM me or something :-)


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I stay in my bed, cuddled against Johanna's legs, head on her thigh as she caresses my scalp. Her smell invades me; my mind is fired with all the memories of us when her smell was the thickest, and my mouth waters with the memory of her taste. Taste. I want to taste. Oh, finally I can have her again. I turn my head and plant a kiss on her thigh. And guilt creeps up on me as the feeling of Peeta's shaky lips slithers on my skin; the my second kiss goes higher on her leg as I do my best to blow Peeta away from my mind. I kiss my way up to her abs and the feeling of her body tensing with the contact is enough to finally knock Peeta away.

"What are you doing?" She asks, finally putting the book down and paying attention to what I'm doing. But I ignore her. I drag my lips down to press them on her groin. "Katn—" with a gasp she stops talking when I dig my teeth as if I could taste her through the rather thick material of her rebel uniform. She grabs me by my hair and yanks me upward. "What the hell ar" I completely ignore her. Why is she complaining? Heavens, I miss her! I lunge myself forward trapping her lips with mine. I feel her trembling hands grasping my hips, running to plant her palms on my middle. And I tremble with her touch, sure that it's an attempt to caress me. I suck her lower lip and nip at it, snatching a low moan from her throat. Oow I missed that sound. I try to straddle her when she pushes me away and I fall on my butt at the edge of the bed whining lowly. Nng Johaaannaa. And then I notice it.

She pushed me away.

She's rejecting all my advances

WHAT?! Why...?My eyes grow wide with confusion and disappointment. Since when does she push me away like that when I'm trying to kiss her? I- I thought we- I try to move myself forward, but Johanna stops me with her left foot. I search her eyes wanting to find what I'm doing wrong in them.

"Johanna, please." I beg her, my voice hoarse with need, but I don't care. I need for this hole inside of me to be filled and if Johanna did it once, why can't she do it again?

"No Katniss! You CAN'T do this, Katniss! I won't let you do this to me." She's hisses at me "You kissed Peeta, Katniss. You showed how blindly in love you are with him. And how oblivious you are to it. Then, probably because your pride and skull are too thick to let you see your own feelings for lover boy, you get confused or whatever and kiss Gale. And who the hell knows what made you kiss me in that goddam day! You kissed ME! You had all the opportunities to walk away. But you didn't. And you kissed him. We, Katniss, are not a lá carte for you to pick as you like, when you feel like it!" Whaaaaaat? I'm really lost right now. "I've had enough Katniss. I can take care of you. I can keep an eye on you. I need to make sure you're alright. I will be your friend if you want me to. But no more, Katniss, no more of this." She stands up going towards the door. "Tell me what you want when you know it. I'm not your toy for you to play with… I'm nobody's toy anymore. I thought you understood. I'll see you around. And make sure you stop hiding inside that closet…or any closet." With that she leaves and I stay frozen, my wrists start aching with my weight on them as I try to process what happened. That kiss. I thought she wanted. How does she know about Gale? Is she talking about the kissing with Peeta during the games or the kissing when we arrived here in the Capitol? I shake my head. Johanna might be mad now, but I need to let things cool down. Maybe then she'll let me get close again. Maybe it's just because of everything that's been happening still needs to cool down.

I let the days pass in my monotonous lingering. Expecting to see Johanna bursting inside my room, lunging herself on me and pinning me on the bed. Or Peeta, knocking politely like he does, coming in and sitting on the edge of my bed to see if I'm alright. Maybe even Gale, just to check on me, see how alive I am, after all he is my friend. I finish this thought looking at the bow that was left in room. With no sheath. With no arrows. Like a Mockingjay with no voice…

Effie eventually comes by with my prep team, apparently the only prep team that's still alive. She tries her best to act like she usually is, but that glimmer is definitely gone from her eyes. If I at least knew what happened to her, if they did something to her, or was it only the fact of having war and the crude truth bare before her eyes that made them lose that sparkle? Shortly after there's a tap on the door and Gale comes in asking for a second with me.

"I brought you this." Gale holds up a sheath that holds a single, ordinary arrow. "It's supposed to be symbolic. You know, firing the last shot of the war and all." He makes sure to keep eye contact as hard as it may be to both of us.

"What if I miss?" I say, knowing that that will never actually happen. "Does Coin retrieve it and bring it back to me? Or just shoot Snow through the head herself 'cause she's tired of my shit?"

"You won't miss." Gale shrugs off my joke and adjusts the sheath on my shoulder. We stand there, face-to-face, finally breaking eye contact. Neither can keep it up. "So… How's everything with Johanna? Heard she arrived a bit earlier than I did." That stings. He heard of her arrival. I didn't. I don't know what to answer. I don't know the answer. What is going on with Johanna and I?

"I don't know what you mean with 'how's everything with Johanna'" I whimper "You didn't come see me in the hospital." I remind him. He doesn't answer. He never looks up and I know we are both thinking the same. That bitter mixture that invades our minds in completely different manners. Ourselves, Johanna and Prim. Prim. So finally I just ask it. "Was it your bomb?"

"I don't know. Neither does Beetee" he says bitterly. "Does it even matter? You'll always be thinking about it." He waits for me to deny it; I want to deny it, but it's true. Even now I can see the fire that ignites her, feel the heat of the flames. And I will never be able to separate that moment from Gale; especially now that I know that there is no way to find out if it was his bomb or not. My silence is my answer and he understands me. "That was the one thing I had going for me. Taking care of your family," he says, his voice almost cracks but he's quick to recover it. "Shoot straight, okay?" He touches my cheek and leaves. I want to call him back and tell him that I was wrong. That I'll figure out a way to make peace with this. To remember the circumstances under which he created the bomb. Take into account my own inexcusable crimes. Dig up the truth about who dropped the parachutes. Prove it wasn't the rebels. Tell him that I will never leave him again. Forgive him. But since I can't, I'll just have to deal with the pain.

Effie comes in to usher me to some kind of meeting. I collect my bow and at the last minute remember the rose, glistening in its glass of water. When I open the door to the bathroom, I find my prep team sitting in a row on the edge of the tub, hunched and defeated. And for the first time since I burnt, I remember I'm not the only one whose world has been almost entirely shattered.

"Come on," I tell them trying to say my words as softly as possible. "We've got an audience waiting."

I'm expecting a production meeting in which Plutarch instructs me where to stand and gives me my cue for shooting Snow. Instead, I find myself sent into a room where six people sit around a table. Peeta, Johanna, Beetee, Haymitch, Annie, and Enobaria. They all wear the gray rebel uniforms from 13. No one looks particularly well. Haymitch is already back to his drunkenness. Peeta is still scarred from the flames, like me. And Johanna seems to be recovering well from her break down, her attitude is back, but she's definitely thinner, thankfully not sicker.

"What's this?"I inquire. It might as well be a trap to finish killing off the victors…

"We're not sure" Haymitch answers "It appears to be a gathering of the remaining victors. Hope they won't try to kill us. That's kind of hard to do." He says jokingly but we all catch the bitterness in his voice.

"We're all that's left?" I ask rather surprised. Weren't there more alive victors around?

"The price of celebrity," says Beetee. "We were targeted from both sides. The Capitol killed the victors they suspected of being rebels. The rebels killed those thought to be allied with the Capitol. Funny that they never cared to ask us."

Johanna scowls at Enobaria. "So what's she doing here?" She seems ready to attack her.

"She is protected under what we call the Mockingjay Deal" says Coin when finally arriving to the meeting she summoned. "Wherein Katniss Everdeen agreed to support the rebels in exchange for captured victors' immunity. Katniss has upheld her side of the bargain, and so shall we." Enobaria smiles at Johanna triumphantly, showing off her sharp teeth.

"Don't look so smug," says Johanna. "We'll kill you anyway." Ha! There's the Johanna Mason I missed so much. I try not to chuckle as I send her a shining smile. Johanna smirks at me but is quick to avert her gaze.

"Sit down, please, Katniss," says Coin, closing the door. I finally take my eyes off Johanna to look around trying to find a way of sitting near Johanna or Peeta, but I take the only empty seat between Annie and Beetee, carefully placing Snow's rose on the table. As usual, Coin gets right to the point. "I've asked you here to settle a debate. Today we will execute Snow. In the previous weeks, hundreds of his accomplices in the oppression of Panem have been tried and now await their own deaths. However, the suffering in the districts has been so extreme that these measures appear insufficient to the victims. In fact, many are calling for a complete annihilation of those who held Capitol citizenship. However, in the interest of maintaining a sustainable population, we cannot afford this."

I couldn't care less. I don't really listen to Coin as I see a distorted image of one of Peeta's hands through the water in the glass. The burn marks. We are both fire mutts now. My eyes travel up to where the flames licked across his forehead, singeing away his brows but just missing his eyes. And I feel that funny bubbling in my stomach. Those same blue eyes that used to meet mine and then flit away at school. Just as they do now.

"So, an alternative has been placed on the table. Since my colleagues and I can come to no consensus, it has been agreed that we will let the victors decide. A majority of four will approve the plan. No one may abstain from the vote," says Coin finally catching my attention. "What has been proposed is that in lieu of eliminating the entire Capitol population, we have a final, symbolic Hunger Games, using the children directly related to those who held the most power." All seven of us turn to her stunned.

"What?" says Johanna, the shock is clear in her voice and she seems to want throw a rock at Coin.

"We hold another Hunger Games using Capitol children," says Coin.

"Are you joking?" asks Peeta getting flustered. I seriously need to control my libido. Why is it that every time someone, who I'm apparently attracted to, gets defensive I get kinda turned on?

"No. I should also tell you that if we do hold the Games, it will be known it was done with your approval, although the individual breakdown of your votes will be kept secret for your own security," Coin tells us. Wow wow wow. That's bad. Another Hunger Games? Wasn't that what we were trying to get away from. And then the flashes come back to me.

"Was this Plutarch's idea?" asks Haymitch.

"It was mine," says Coin. What? Then maybe- maybe it was her who send the parachutes. "It seemed to balance the need for vengeance with the least loss of life. You may cast your votes." Coin finished wanting no more interruptions or delay.

"No!" bursts out Peeta as I knew he would. My Peeta is back. They're back. "I vote no, of course! We can't have another Hunger Games!" He's keeping himself true to our first wish: No more Hunger Games. No more forcing innocent children to kill each other.

"Why not?" Johanna retorts almost hissing, but I know it's not at him. I know very well who she's hissing at in her mind. And it fuels the flashes of her in my mind. "It seems very fair to me. Snow even has a granddaughter. I vote yes." She states, her eyes misty with memories.

"So do I," says Enobaria, almost indifferently. "Let them have a taste of their own medicine." And I finally understand that she also never wished to be in that arena. She burned in her own way.

"This is why we rebelled! Remember?" Peeta looks at the rest of us. I want to listen to him. I want to remember like he does. But there is no taking her burning to ashes from my eyes "Annie?" he pleades.

"I vote no with Peeta," she says. "So would Finnick if he were here." I see Johanna glaring at Annie, almost sweetly. She knows the effect that name might have on all of us.

"But he isn't, because Snow's mutts killed him," Johanna reminds her. For a moment I think she'll cry. But then I see that Finnick's name only fuels her want to see Capitol kids dying.

"No," says Beetee. "It would set a bad precedent. We have to stop viewing one another as enemies. At this point, unity is essential for our survival. No."

"We're down to Katniss and Haymitch," says Coin. Was it like this then? Seventy-five years or so ago? Did a group of people sit around and cast their votes on initiating the Hunger Games? Was there dissent? Did someone make a case for mercy that was beaten down by the calls for the deaths of the districts' children? The scent of Snow's rose curls up into my nose, down into my throat, squeezing it tight with despair and stimulating the flames that burn her before my eyes. All those people I loved, dead, and we are discussing the next Hunger Games in an attempt to avoid wasting life. There she is, Prim, burning right before me. Nothing has changed. Flashes of her calling for me right when the bombs went off attack my mind. Nothing will ever change now. Prim is dead. They are all dead. I try to weigh my options carefully, to think everything through. But those flashes keep on attacking me and then I choose. Keeping my eyes on the rose, I say, "I vote yes...for Prim." And I feel three pair of eyes burning me in completely different ways.

"Haymitch, it's up to you," says Coin catching the attention of those eyes. A furious Peeta hammers Haymitch with the atrocity he could become party to, but I can feel Haymitch watching me. The only pair of eyes that didn't leave me. This is the moment, then. The moment when we find out exactly just how alike we are, and how much he truly understands me.

"I'm with the Mockingjay," he says. He also couldn't save someone he loved.

"Excellent. That carries the vote," says Coin. "Now we really must take our places for the execution." As she passes me, I hold up the glass with the rose.

"Can you see that Snow's wearing this? Just over his heart?" Coin smiles.

"Of course. And I'll make sure he knows about the Games."

"Thank you," I say.

Hell broke loose all over again. Thankfully it didn't burn as much. I killed Coin. I killed President Coin. Why? You might be right if you say I did it without thinking and I wouldn't deny it. But I'm glad. Now Panem lies on truly honest and hardworking hands. But that's a rather logical way of seeing things.

I don't really care as long as I don't have to be in that arena again, or lose anyone for the government. Prim is gone. Johanna hasn't showed since that day and I haven't heard news of her. I don't look for them, but every time there are news I keep my ears alert. But now I have Peeta. He is mine again- my dandelion. He saved me… again. I was going to bite into my nightlock and die, but he blocked it with his hand and all I could say was a desperate "Let me go" as I try to break free from him. But his eyes finally lock with mine and he admits to me "I can't". And just like that I'm pulled away from him. I bite, kick, claw, trying with desperation to free myself from their locking hands, to get back to him. But the guards block him from my view. And then I saw Gale, there, just watching them drag me away. And I knew he wouldn't come to me. So much for hunters and friends. Both of us. And I knew I was alone.

But then I wasn't. I came back home, or at least what was left of it. Haymitch brought me here with Peeta. I was about to kick his ass one day when I saw him bringing roses to our garden, but then I saw they were primroses, and I couldn't help but thinking, "Damn, he knows me. He knows how to heal my heart."

I still don't have news of Johanna. I know she is okay. I hope. But I also don't try to find her.

We never got married. I didn't really see a point on marrying him since he is the one I choose to be with. He loves me and every time I see him walking towards me or hear the creaking of a door opening and I know it's him, there's that warmth that spreads from my heart all over my body. Some nights, before we sleep, he asks me if I love him as if he still couldn't discern reality from illusion. I search in my heart. And I see it there. All the good he's done. The warmth that creeps up on me when I meet his eyes. That bubbly feeling I know so well that fills me every night when I find myself in his arms. So tell him I do. I tell him I love him. Because I do.

* * *

><p>AN: Hey guys. I'm soooooooo very sorry for the delay. My computer died and could only get one now. so the update was very delayed. This story will probably not end as you wish or even as I thought it would. I think that probably the next chapter would be the last. And I'm already prepearing for other fics. Earlier, in chapter 3 I think, I mention a past love of Johanna. You guys want me to write it? I'm still thinking about it and I would like your opinion. And it wouldn't interfere at all with my new project coming up. Again, I'm sorry this took so long. This is a late birthday gift from me to you.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

At first the news caused quite a stir inside me. What if it wasn't enough to have the war ended and peace restored? What if they still wanted all the victors dead, the ones that were the living memory and proof of the horrors we had to cope with for the last I-don't-knbow-how-many-years? Maybe Peeta and I could protect ourselves and Haymitch. But what if we can't? What if they go for Beetee, after all he has done for this country? What if they go for Annie and her son, they are completely defenseless? What if they go for...? What if they go for Johanna and she isn't able to survive? I wish I could know how she is...

Peeta is worried too. Well, he's more upset than worried. He says he might know who killed her, but he rather not to discuss it. What started all of this was the news. The news of Enobaria's death, murder. She was found dead with a gash in her chest that split her heart in half. I don't remember where.

That's when I decide to make the call. Well, I didn't decide it alone. Peeta told me that if I was so worried I should try to contact them. And that's why I find myself with three phone numbers written on a paper with names before their respective numbers. I dial the number and wait.

Ring...

Ring...

Ring...

"Hello" I hear Bettee's voice on the other side of the call and release a relieved sigh I was unknown to its existence.

"Oh! Hello Beetee." I respond to him. "How's everything going?"

"I am well, Katniss. I hope you are, as well." He answers me with that precautious tone he always has. "Why are you calling me, Katniss?"

"Well, I just want to make sure you are alright."

"Oh, of course. After the news of Enobaria's death you surely thought they would finish killing us off. I understand your concern, but it's needles. The people who could kill us would, apart from ourselves, have nothing but gratitude to offer us." I nod even though he can't see me.

"Okay. You're right. But I'll still call everyone."

"Of course you will. Goodbye Katniss."

"Goodbye Beetee." And I finish the call. I don't hesitate to dial the next number.

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

And an automatic voice starts talking, telling me to leave a message at the voicemail after the "beep". So I hang up before that happens. Should I call again? What would that make of me? I chose Peeta. Would it be weird to leave her a message? Would she get mad at me? Would it hurt her?

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

The same automatic voice starts talking and I hang up before it has time to finish the message. With my hands trembling I dial the same number again.

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

I hang up. I can't take this. What if something happened to her? Surely, if they're trying to kill us, it's better to first kill the more vicious ones. Or is this her rejecting me? She knows me. She knows I would try to find a way to see if she's alright. But how could I expect her to answer? I don't even know if she's in Seven. I don't even know if… And then comes a memory that I thought was long forgotten. Our last moment alone in Thirteen. That last shower, where I had her in my arms for the last time and I was able to take any if's from her mind. How ironic it is that now I'm swimming in them.

Pushing that away I dial the last number in the paper.

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

Ring…

"Hello!" says the voice I was waiting for, but more agitated than I remember. "Who is this?" That's when I notice that instead of responding I just felt glad to hear her voice so full of life.

"Annie! How are you?" I ask her, forgetting that she asked me who I am.

"Oh, Katniss! It's good to hear from you."

"I'm glad you could answer the phone. How's everything?"

"All good. Julian is a wonderful boy. It truly impresses me how well he's adapting to the sea, though I shouldn't be surprised at all."

"Oh, that's wonderful. You know you can come visit anytime you want." I say even though I'm not sure I would like to see that perfect mix of Annie and Finnick in front of me. First time I saw the boy I felt my stomach sinking in because he's a living memory of Finnick, and above all, a living proof of Finnick and Annie's unconditional love.

"Of course. I just want to make sure he grows traditionally with the sea like Finnick and I did, and Johanna comes to visit quite often. But I'll surely visit you again as soon as possible." I'm glad Annie is able to raise Julian in Four with no mayor trouble and that she has someone who knew Finnick well to help her. And that's the piece of information that captures my attention the most. Annie is probably the only one who can give me info on Johanna. The only one who actually know what has happened to her since the rebellion ended.

"Okay, cool." my tongue tingles with want for asking about Johanna, but I restrain myself for a moment. "Annie… I called because of what happened to Enobaria and I'm just making sure everyone is alright."

"Oh, yes. That was unfortunate, but it was going to happen anyways. She's too stubborn. But all is fine here. You don't have to worry; the person who did it loves the rest of us."

"How's Johanna, have you heard anything from her recently?" I ask, almost against my own will.

"Johanna is alright. She visits a lot and she never stays in Seven for long, so if you want to talk to her I can tell her to call you. Actually, she just got here; do you want to talk to her?" My heart races uncontrollably and I'm quick to answer.

"No, no, no. I just wanted to know if she was fine. And now I know. You can say hi to her from me." I hurry to tell her. The last thing I want to do now is to confront Johanna. What would I say? That's when I hear her from Annie's side.

"Hey Annie, I'm back. I found some more CD's, but these are in pretty bad condition. I don't know if I can save the music in them." her voice is distant, but it's hers. "Where's Julian?"

"He's in his room. We just came back from the beach. I was teaching him some fishing tricks."

"Can I teach him some tricks I learned from Finnick?"

"No, he's too young for that." Annie is quick to answer her.

"Oh, please!" and as her steps get farther and farther away, I hear her complain, "Huff, too young…"

"I'm very sorry about that, Katniss" Annie says almost sounding embarrassed. "You know how she is."

"Yes, I know." I answer as my heart tightens. Listening to Johanna's voice brought too many feelings. "I have to go now. Thank you Annie."

"You're welcome Katniss. I'll see you around."

"See you around." I hang up and this feeling starts to stir up inside me. My venter boils and that warmth is invading my body. Why?! Johanna needs to stop having these effects on me. "Peeta? Peeta. Peeta!" I call for him as I start looking around and he quickly pops out from the kitchen looking slightly concerned.

"What happened? Is everything alright?" He asks as he cleans up his hands on his apron.

"Everything is good. No one is hurt." I say trying to control myself.

"Good." He takes his apron off, puts it near the oven and turns around to smile it me. He's always so careful. Always making sure everything is alright. So good hearted and loving. "I'm glad" he says widening his smile, showing his bright teeth. His eyes shine and break the last string of control I had in me. I hurry to him, crashing my lips on his.

I surely took him by surprise, but he, as always, is quick to understand what is happening. Yet, he's surely unaware of how far I plan to go with him this time. I push him against the wall grinding against his body. Peeta's hands seem to be everywhere at the same time. Nngh, I love his hands. They're always warm. Always loving. I grab the collar of his shirt pulling him closer.

"Peeta" I whisper against his lips with a low and hoarse voice. He swirls me around putting me against the wall. "Couch" I try to say. I'm burning again, like I haven't in too long. I raise my legs and wrap them around his waist. Peeta grabs my thighs holding me up and keeps on kissing me everywhere he can. I push myself against him feeling a bulge in his pants that confirms he wants this as much as I do. "Now." I growl and he is quick to obey me.

For a moment I wonder if he's going to be able to carry me, but the tender kisses he marks my neck and chest with are quick to get my mind of it and before I know it, he is gently dropping me on the couch. I break out to catch my breath and Peeta moves on to my neck, not really helping my breathing to stabilize but pushing me to what I wanted to do next. I start tugging at his shirt but not been able to take it off and Peeta barely stops kissing me to help me.

I lean forward to remove my own shirt and Peeta proceeds to kiss his way in between my breasts and then my ribs. His hands slide from my thighs to my back and now it's his turn to need my help.

"I can't"he mutters while trying to remove my bra. I lean forward, holding his face with one hand and kissing him deeply, and reaching back with my other hand to open my bra. When I finish taking it off, Peeta breaks our kiss and moves back a little, leaning on his knees and looking up at me. His eyes sparkle with adoration as they run on my now completely naked torso. "um a eh" Peeta tries to say something but not a word comes out.

I pull him back up to me. I really don't care what he has to say at this moment. I just want him to love me. With that in mind I kiss him passionately. When we run out of air he start to move his kisses down my neck and trails his way down my stomach paying not enough attention to my breasts… but that's okay; we've never done this before and if I learned, he can learn too. His lips are now focusing in my venter, closer and closer to the edge of my pants firing that bubbling and warm feeling inside me. I hear a creaking noise but it's immediately sent to the back of my head, so I pay it no mind. He starts unbuttoning my pants with rather shaky hands. I didn't think before about how much Peeta must have wanted or waited for this and how nervous he is. Afterall he loves me.

"Oh boy!" I suddenly hear Haymitch's voice mixed with his laughter, "I should have knocked before I came in." I feel like the world was pulled from under me and my face burns with embarrassment. Peeta quickly stands up and gives me a pillow that I quickly use to cover myself.

"YOU THINK?!" I screech at him trying not to seem as embarrassed as I am.

"Haymitch!, I was gonna check on you… later. Can you leave now? This really doesn't need to get any more awkward," Peeta says being the good speaker as he usually is and saving us. Haymitch nods still chuckling a bit.

"Yea. I know, I know." He answers as he walks out. Peeta waits for him to leave to turn to me, but by then I was already putting my bra and shirt back on. Peeta looks a bit disoriented and open his mouth to speak.

"I'm sorry. But I can't now. I gotta go." I cut him off. I rush to him touching his shirtless chest and giving him a quick peck on the cheek before grabbing my bow and arrows and running out the door.

After hunting I get back home and start preparing the turkey for cooking. That's when I hear Peeta close to the kitchen. He looks at me and gives me a sheepish smile with a silent question, "can I help you?" I smile back, nodding shortly at him, giving the silent answer he wanted, "yes." He walks towards me and starts heating the oven and preparing the seasoning while I slice up the turkey.

The dinner is quiet and enjoyable. He's sitting close to me and I let my body move closer to him as much as I can. When we finish eating Peeta takes the dishes to the sink and starts rinsing them while I take care of the rest, which really means that I stand there playing with edge of my shirt trying to figure out what to do. Should I try again? Should I do nothing? Do I wait for him to make a move, but please it's Peeta. He's not going to make a move. He's too gentle. He needs a permission. He needs to know it's 100% okay for him to make a move. And me running away isn't exactly the signal of "you can make a move". So I do it as soon as he finishes to rinse the dishes.

As he dries his hands I move closer to him. I place my hands on him making him move and letting my hands hover over his body as he does so. We lock eyes as I slide my arms around his neck and kiss his lips, pressing him against the kitchen counter. Peeta was clearly nervous. Just like me in that afternoon about a year ago when I was the one being pressed against a bed. We eventually went to my room. But this was very different from anything I had with Johanna. There was no confidence in his actions. He seemed almost scared of everything, yet he was ever so gentle. Which was other great difference since he lacked the perpetuating dominance I was used to. But it was good and heavens I really needed this. I needed to feel loved. I needed to feel wanted. I needed to feel pleased. And on goes a few weeks.

I'm on the couch looking at that catalogue Peeta and I did some time ago when I hear a knock on the main door.

"Don't worry, I'll get it" I say to Peeta, who is cooking something in the kitchen. He nods at me as I go answer the door. I open the door, not really knowing who to expect to see on the other side, hell I didn't even care.

"'Sup brainless?" Johanna says with that smirk plastered on her face. "Missed me?" She raises an eyebrow and her smirk only increases when my eyes are wide open with surprise and disbelief and fear and excitement and joy and confusion.

Before she can utter another word I pull her into my arms and smash my lips against hers without a second thought. Johanna tries to protest but her arms are already around my waist pulling me in and my fingers tangled in her hair. Heavens and hell! I missed her so much! Her smell is intoxicating. Only a few moments into this kiss and I'm already giddy. Why didn't she come before?

"Katniss?" Peeta's voice breaks our steamy silence making my skin crawl with fear and my increased heartbeat goes from excitement to anxiety. "Who is it?" In less than a second Johanna and I are as far apart as the entrance hall lets us. Johanna quickly fixes her hair as I clear my throat.

"Guess who." I answer him trying not let the guilt be apparent in my voice. Johanna walks to the kitchen as if nothing had happened.

"How's my prison buddy?" she asks him walking in the kitchen and opening her arms.

"Johanna!" Peeta turns to greet her. "It's been a while since I last heard from you!" They walk towards each other and share a quick hug. It was the weirdest thing ever-to see both of them hugging like they were actually good friends. But I suppose that after surviving what they did together, and then mildly recovering from it makes you feel attached, just like I was more attached to Peeta-or Johanna-than to Gale because of our experience with the Games.

"We'll be waiting for you in the living room, alright?" I ask Peeta, to which he answers with affirmative hum. I gesture to Johanna to follow me with a gesture of my head and walk to the living room and drop my body on the couch, she sits next to me. I fiddle with my fingers, not knowing what to do with my hands. "Johanna a" I try to say it. I try to look at her. But I can't. My eyes quickly drop to my hands.

"What?" She asks turning to me and I stay silence she puts an elbow on the top of the couch and lays her head on her hand, looking at me, waiting for me to answer or not. Even when focusing in my hands I can feel her body next to mine, how relaxed she is. I can almost see her smirk. But when I turn to her all I see is a genuine smile and curious eyes that actually want to know what I was going to say.

I lean back looking at her. I want to kiss her again, but I can't.

"I'm happy here with Peeta." I end up saying. He might walk in at any moment. The smile turns into a grimace and I wish I had said something else. She's opening her mouth to answer me when Peeta walks in with a tray of sandwiches.

"Hey Peeta" Johanna starts with fake joy, "Katniss here was telling me about how wonderful and amazing and happy everything is here. I'm seriously considering moving here because it sounds like paradise!" Maybe Peeta doesn't notice it, but the bitterness spilling out of her mouth make me regret I ever opened mine seconds ago.

Peeta raises his eyebrows in surprise as he sets the tray in the coffee table.

"Well, we make the best of what we have and it's pretty great." Peeta says smiling tenderly at me and I hear a silent huff coming from Johanna.

We talk and eat for a while. I keep my mouth shut most of the time while Peeta and Johanna act as strangely good friends.

"This house has a bathroom, right?" Johanna asks as if there was a possibility bathrooms weren't a thing in Disctrict 12.

"Yes, of course" Peeta answers Johanna and she starts to stand up.

"I'll take you."I say more hurriedly than I expected while I stand up. Both of them look at me strangely for a second.

"Okay" Peeta shrugs and takes the tray back to the kitchen to start washing the dishes.

I go upstairs with Johanna at my back. When we get there, I open the bathroom door and pull her in by the collar of her shirt and spin us around to close the door with my foot. Johanna looks rather disoriented when I slam her against me and kiss her. She seems reluctant but kisses me back. Heavens! I missed this woman. I missed her smell. I missed her lips. I missed her bite. I missed her hands. I still do. This isn't enough to make up for all the time apart. Johanna pulls away and I think she tries to say something, but before I can think about it properly I'm pulling her back in. She grabs my wrists and pins me against a wall. Please Johanna, fuck me against this door. But she pulls away. Her face is flushed, her lips are swollen and her eyes are full of regret and anger when they lock with mine.

"Katniss, no." Her voice is firm like that last time we spoke. "You have to stop this Katniss. I told you before - no more. You can't do this to me and you can't do this to Peeta. You still have no idea of what you want, do you?" She finally leys go of my wrists. What does she want from me? I want her. That's one of the things I'vee wanted the most for a long time.

"What do you want me to do?" I finally ask her, afraid of the answer. She looks me wide-eyed as if my skull was too thick for me to understand things.

"What do I want you to do?" She stares at me. Her eyes are on fire. "What do I want from you?" her voice is a calm whisper filled with exasperation. "I want you to do something, Katniss! Whatever it is! I want you to do anything. I want to take action for once in your life instead of just rolling with it when you have nothing biting at your heels." She slams the dorm behind me with her fists, each in each side of my face. "Goddammit Katniss." And I think she might cry. "I know everything you've ever done was in a spring of survival. Now you don't need it anymore, so you're doing nothing. You went where they took you and stayed where they left you and then used whatever was closer to you as you liked." When Johanna finishes her arms have already dropped to her side and now she looks tired. Johanna pushes me out of the way and leaves the bathroom with no other word.

I'm still trying to make sense of everything she said when I find myself sitting on the toilet, bawling and whishing she would come back. Wishing should say she didn't mean and just kiss me. But she never does. And I walk out of the bathroom forgetting to wash my face, or not even caring to.

I walk downstairs, dreading what I'm about to do.

"Peeta, we need to talk." I tell him as he looks up at me attentively.

"Sure."

"Peeta… I care a lot about you and I'm really grateful for everything you've done for me. But I can't do this anymore." I thought of starting slowly, but then it comes all out at once. I wait. I don't know exactly for what, but certainly nothing nice. Peeta looks up at me with a sad but sincere smile.

"I figured you wouldn't be able to hold it after she came to visit." He says, and there's barely a hint of sadness in his voice. "I'm glad you came to me though. I thought you were gonna grab your stuff and leave without a word." I smile at him because really, what else can I do? He couldn't be sweeter and more understanding about this. I smile at him. I don't know if it's a wide smile, a sincere smile or tender. I don't care what smile it is because suddenly I felt an overwhelming feeling coming from my heart that made me smile, no matter if I wanted to or not.

"Peeta! Thank you!" I run to Peeta to engulf him in a tight embrace and when we come apart my face is wet with tears. "I'll go grab my stuff."

"You shouldn't have to Katniss." He says holding my hands between his. "This is your house and I left almost all my stuff at my house since Delly is staying there." I gap at him. Is this really how he's reacting? Is this real? "Katniss, I might keep my mouth shut and care a lot about you, but I'm not blind or stupid." My eyes are wide with surprise.

"Aren't you gonna ask for anything in return?" I ask him, "tell me I owe you something?" Now he's smile is almost sad, maybe disappointed.

"You'll never owe me a thing Katniss. Maybe just an invitation to the wedding." I smile at him and squeeze his hand. "I'll go get my stuff. Now go get her!"

And like his last exclamation fuel my veins I sprint out of the house to find Johanna and crash in her arms. I cry, cry a lot, grinning like an idiot. I love you. I love you. I love you. She's surprised at first but then she understands. This isn't me playing, this is me doing something. Taking what I want, what makes me feel full, for myself. She kisses my forehead tenderly and I feel like I'm melting into her embrace.

"I love you." The whispered words slip out of my lips before I even notice. Somehow we're back home. I was in a trance so it's reasonable I didn't notice us walking back.

"I love you too." She whispers back and my heart races a whole different speed.

"Really?" I ask her blushing even harder.

"No, brainless. I'm just playing with you." Johanna answers pinning me against the wall and lowers her lips to my ear, "I came all the way to Twelve because I have absolutely no feelings for you." With that she bites my earlobe earning a moan deep from my throat.

Heavens, I missed her.

* * *

><p>AN: 'Sup guys. I know, it's been a really long time but here it is. And it's the end. I'm already working on other fics, but if you have any requests just ask me. And I'm going to update the whole fic because I'm editing it. Hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
